The college I went to had a lot of programs and clubs that were geared toward adventure sports. The school’s gym had a pool, but the hallways that bordered it had windows so you could look in and see what was going on. A couple of nights during the week, I’d be walking through the gym for one reason or another and look through the windows to see a bunch of people kayaking around in the pool. During my junior year I finally wandered into the pool area during one of these sessions. The people in this club, called “Paddle Sports,” were whitewater kayak/raft enthusiasts.
I’d never kayaked before. It’s a little intimidating to see people practicing how to right a flipped kayak (while inside it), especially when that neoprene thing around their waist looks like it would make it difficult to get out if you really had to. I ended up walking into a pool session to check it out one evening, and the people seemed friendly enough. It wasn’t long before I was squeezing myself into a kayak and sliding off the deck into the pool.
For safety purposes, the first thing they had me practice was getting out of a flipped boat on my own. Until you get a feel for how a kayak handles, especially during a turn, it’s easy for the boat to flip over. Practicing this move first gives you confidence to start paddling around the pool and knowing that you can get yourself out of a jam if you flip over unexpectedly.
Once I was ready to move on to another skill, it was time to learn how to right a capsized kayak. This is where it got tricky, because not only do you have to coordinate a number of motor functions so they execute at the right time, but you also have to become comfortable enough with the process that you can suppress your survival instinct. Many people are able to lean far back during the maneuver to make it easier to roll on the long axis, and lots of beginners are able to figure out the right way to snap their hips to make the boat begin to roll, but what really takes a lot of getting used to is the idea that your head needs to be the last part of your body to come out of the water.
In order to make the roll work while you’re upside down, you position the paddle on the surface of the water by feel, you snap your hips while pulling against the paddle, and you lean back so your head nearly hits the stern during the roll. If you try to make your head come up first, it’s not going to work because the weight distribution and momentum just aren’t right. If you try it you might be able to gasp a quick breath, but you’re right back down again. When that happens you slowly move the paddle into position again, but the situation is more urgent now; that last gasp wasn’t a deep inhale. You start to focus on how badly you want to breathe, rather than the synchronization of the moves that needs to occur. You give it another shot, but if you lead with your head again, at best you might get another short gasp. If that happens, panic sets in and there’s much less of a chance that you can pull off the move on the third try. Part of the reason is that now there’s almost no focus on the technique; you only think about how you probably don’t have enough air to both give it another shot AND bail out if you fail.
By then most people “pull their skirt” and slide out of the upside-down boat, happy to be in a pool rather than in the middle of some rapids somewhere. For most beginners, this experience of being panicked becomes crucial in understanding exactly why it’s so important to leave their head underwater until the end of the roll, and in helping to do something that feels completely unnatural: leaving your head underwater when all you want is air.
Living a life for Christ can be a lot like this. At times you have to fight against your own instincts and learn to prioritize your own needs lower than you otherwise would have. Sometimes the ability to do this only comes through failures or painful experience, but that experience helps you understand exactly why you need to do things differently. As time goes on and you intentionally spend time developing your relationship with Christ, you learn to act in ways that the world finds unnatural, but that you have come to understand as necessary for God’s glorification.
If you feel God pushing you a certain direction, but you’re avoiding it for no other reason than because it doesn’t seem like what a rational person would do, fight the need to breathe. It could lead you places you wouldn’t have expected.