You might be trying to figure out what God’s calling for your life looks like. Unfortunately I can’t tell you what it is, but I’d encourage you to be persistent in asking Him during your prayer time. In the meantime, I can tell you how I arrived at what I believe my calling to be, and maybe that will help you in some way.
I don’t really know how else to say this…my brain’s wired a little differently than most people I meet. I’m an odd duck. When I was in…I think it was first grade…my teacher had us do some kind of activity where we followed her instructions in folding paper. My version ended up looking very different than everyone else’s. Wondering why, my teacher went back and took a hard look at what I did. Upon closer inspection, she found that I had followed her instructions, but not the way she intended. Without trying to be a troublemaker, when she said “fold the piece of paper in half,” most kids folded it from top to bottom, while I folded it side to side.
Fast forward to high school, and the nontraditional route continued. I did athletic things without being an athlete. I never tried out for the baseball, basketball, football, or soccer teams. Instead, I played in the woods. I got certified as a lifeguard at 15 years old. A little older and I was dangling from ropes out of trees or off buildings. In college I went cross-country skiing, kayaking, and kneeboarding; after college I got certified in skydiving and scuba diving. Not only are they activities that aren’t all that common, they’re things that people just don’t normally choose to pursue. (I may have missed the boat on bungee jumping; I was willing to do it when I was younger, but now I’m afraid it may be too physically jarring. I’m willing to give cave diving (exploring underwater caves) a try, though.) It sounds like I’m an adrenaline junkie, but sometimes people need to double check to see if I’m still awake. A strange contradiction.
At the same time, I have a mind that’s oriented around technical things and the way things are organized, yet I can still be creative and think way outside the box. I’m not amazing at any one thing, but I’m pretty good at a lot of different things. I have low empathy, can come across as cold, and tend to gravitate more toward logic than feelings. This is pretty bizarre, because there isn’t a whole lot that’s logical about jumping out of an airplane or off a cliff for entertainment. Another contradiction. If Spock, Bear Grylls, and Elon Musk ran really hard toward each other and smashed together, you get me.
For some reason, about 20 years into my career, I started getting interested in the different classifications of personalities. The first characterization method I took a close look at is called the Enneagram. It classifies people into one of nine personality types, and my type is what’s called Type One…the Reformer. In short, Type Ones are driven to improve things that they perceive will enhance the greater good. It was pretty interesting, and a lot of things made sense. “Wow, this author gets me!”
Then I checked out a more well-known categorization type, Myers-Briggs. The Myers-Briggs construct has 16 distinct types of personalities. No single personality type shows up in huge percentages in the general population, but it turns out that mine is one of the rarer types, with only about 2% of the population falling into this category. The “Architect” type, or INTJs, are highly logical, creative, and analytical. Those three characteristics are not a common combination.
A little stunned that descriptions of INTJs fit me very well, I started poking around a little bit. It’s not often that someone’s accurately described how my personality is geared, so I felt like I had to take this newfound knowledge and use it to help make some kind of a decision. I had a sense that I was supposed to do more to follow God’s lead, but I didn’t know where, what that looked like, or how that would unfold. I wanted to know what other people like me were gifted at doing. Introverted, very focused, and often highly intelligent. What do other people who are INTJs do?
I scrolled through search results. There were lots of famous INTJs whose field I had no interest or entry into. Dwight Eisenhower, Hillary Clinton, Bobby Fischer, Bill Belichick, Nikola Tesla, Sherlock Holmes, Lex Luthor…all of them INTJs.
As I pondered how to break into a life of criminal mastermind-ery or famous consulting detective-ness, I somewhere came across something that just kind of jumped out at me. It turns out that C.S. Lewis, the Christian author, was thought to be an INTJ.
Of course I know who C.S. Lewis is, but I’m not super familiar with his works. I haven’t read anything of his other than the Chronicles of Narnia, and that was forever ago. Rather shamelessly, and at the risk of sounding like a copycat, it didn’t take me long to decide “I have to write fiction books with built-in Christian themes. I’ll shoot for seven of them and they all need to be about the length of the Narnia books.”
I don’t know why I decided that, but the idea just kind of took root. I can whine about how culture is taking bad turns, or I can do something to try to influence it. As I considered it more and more, the idea just seemed like it was something that I was tailor made to do, despite not having taken any creative writing classes. I have nothing published. My biggest writing project aside from that group of books is this blog, and that’s very different from what this challenge will entail. Still, it was honestly a relief, as though God were saying “okay, you’ve been persistent in asking, and now I’m going to give you a goal you can throw your energy into.” For me, there’s peace in finally knowing.
It’s funny how God treats people differently, depending on what they can handle. For many, if you tell them what they’ll have to go through before they get to the other side of something big, they’ll be overwhelmed. One of the hallmarks of an INTJ is a certain level of confidence that allows them to take risks. My initial goal of seven books of 40,000 to 50,000 words has now grown to 10 books of the same length. I have to plan as though I’m composing half a million words’ worth of stories. I’m the guy that used to label every line of a 500-word essay with the running total. I’m not looking at this goal and saying “piece of cake,” but I’m also not shying away from it. My confidence isn’t so much in me…it’s in the One that assigned me the job. I feel like this is the task He’s given me, and I know He’ll give me what I need to make it happen. I’m grateful to have found this challenge.
As far as progress on the project, I’ve bounced around between the different books, focusing on one, then taking a break from that one for awhile to work on a different one. Some I don’t even know much of the plot line, some I’ve made notes for, and others have tens of thousands of words drafted. To date, across all 10 books, I’ve got 80,000+ words in draft. I’ve still got a long way to go, but if I hadn’t started yet, I’d be 80,000+ words behind where I am right now.
Again, I don’t know what your calling is, but I tell you this story in the hopes that it will somehow encourage you. Be persistent in asking God to reveal what He’d have you do. The world is growing darker and darker, and Christ’s light is needed more and more. It’s not your job to have all the answers. All you need to focus on is doing what God wants you to do, not on what comes after that. Obedience is your responsibility, and outcome is God’s responsibility. Do what you’re supposed to do, and He’ll handle the rest.