The world is plenty tense right now. Sometimes you just need a smile. I didn’t make it as a SERE Specialist (survival instructor) in the Air Force, but I heard some of their fun stories. Here are a few I hope you’ll enjoy.
To become a SERE Specialist, you’ve got to conquer many hardships. Aside from a very vigorous physical training regimen, you endure hunger, thirst, lack of sleep, conditions that are very cold, very hot, very wet, very dry, very demanding, and that require a great deal of perseverance. These people have learned that overcoming obstacles sometimes requires tremendous grit or discomfort, but the prize is worth the struggle. That’s why they get very annoyed when they’re charged with students who whine about having to perform easy tasks out in the wilderness during survival school.
The people attending survival school are people facing an elevated risk of capture. While those in some jobs are more accustomed to dealing with discomfort and challenges than others (Special Operations Forces, for example, tend to whine less than students from other career fields), the instructors at survival school also teach people who have never spent the night outside, or who have never had to face challenges requiring them to dig down deep within themselves to keep going. Other career fields showing up at survival school include pilots, navigators, flight engineers/crew chiefs, airborne linguists, aerial refuelers, door gunners, etc.
Adding to the dynamic is the general “wussification” of training requirements over time. I don’t know how tough things were before I went through, but I know things got easier after I attended the course. Students had to carry less weight, or walk shorter distances, or they received more food, or got more breaks. You can probably start to get a sense of a SERE Specialist’s ire when one or more of the students they’re escorting complains about how tough it is to carry their little 15-pound improvised ruck sack up two hills in a row.
Sometimes the SERE folks like to have a little fun with the students. They’ll mislead them every now and then when the opportunity presents itself. Even though the SERE Specialists are teaching valuable skills like land navigation, fire craft, shelter craft, and pointing out naturally occurring edibles, that doesn’t mean it has to be taught in a dry way. I heard one instructor recount how he was driving in a bus full of students to the wilderness training area when they came across an unusual sight. Loggers had stripped a hilltop bare, and the only feature on the now-naked hillside was a dirt road that encircled it, winding around and around until reaching the top. One student asked about it, and the instructor replied “those are topographic lines. They match the ones on your map. All mountains have them, but these are more obvious because we paid to have all the trees removed so you could see them. They’re not usually that easy to see when you’re navigating out in the field, so you’re going to have to pay close attention out there.”
On a different occasion, a class was making its way on foot from one point to another, building their land navigation skills. Students at this point are usually rationing their food and getting a little hungry, so instructors don’t want to do something blatantly mean, like eat a meatball sub in front of them, but they might have a cheek full of sunflower seeds as they walk along. One particular instructor brought a bunch of peanuts with him, still in the shell, and he ate them as they walked along. While they all stopped for a periodic break, he decided to play a little joke. Most of the time, peanuts still in the shell have a little slit on one end. If you squeeze the shell just right, the slit opens up a little. While the students were drinking water or checking their azimuth, this guy squeezed a bunch of peanut shells and hung them on the branches of a small tree. Then he called everyone over to share in his discovery. “Hey guys, come check this out! Oh, man, did we luck out, we found a peanut tree! We should pick this thing clean, these are hard to find! Everybody get in here, grab what you can, don’t leave anything for anybody coming behind us. Anybody allergic to peanuts?” Some people, of course, got the joke right away, but there are a lot of people out there who don’t know how peanuts grow.
One more. SERE Specialists have to be prepared for all kinds of serious situations in a difficult environment. They need to be prepared to deal with medical emergencies like broken bones, dehydration, heat injuries, allergic reactions, snake bites, puncture wounds, all kinds of stuff like that. In cold weather, the ability to quickly start a fire can mean the difference between life and death. There are all kinds of products available for quickly starting a fire. Out in the wilderness training areas, one of the most versatile is fire paste. Think of a tube of toothpaste, but the stuff you squeeze out of the tube is flammable. It’s great stuff, you can use it in a lot of different scenarios. One instructor used fire paste to try to combat some of the “wussification” I mentioned earlier. On a land nav break, he pulled up a half-buried rock, smeared some fire paste on the bottom of it, then tucked it back in its hole and packed the loose dirt back down so it looked undisturbed. “Hey everybody, get a look at this! Boy, did we luck out! This right here is a fire rock!” Lots of people with confused looks came and gathered around, and to their amazement, when the instructor held a lighter up to the rock, it caught fire. “Oh, man, this is gonna be great! Everybody else is gonna be jealous when you come rolling into camp tonight with fire rocks. You’ll be able to get a fire going in no time, and that’s good news when you’re trying to set up camp in the dark. This whole area’s full of ‘em. Gather up anything you can carry, we’ll use ‘em tonight!”
SERE Specialists have some unique opportunities to have fun at work. It’s good to be able to enjoy yourself and get paid for doing your job. If you spend a lot of time around the same people (family, colleagues, etc.), try to lighten the mood every once in awhile. There’s no sense trudging through your day with a frown all the time.