When Pushing too Hard can Push Others Away

I like to take different types of personality tests. It’s fascinating to answer a bunch of questions, then get results accurately describing the way I approach life. I’m one thing on the Meyers-Briggs, I’m something else on the Enneagram, and I’m a variety of other things on other tests. It’s always humbling to receive such accurate descriptions of myself from complete strangers, and then realize no matter how detailed those descriptions get, my creator knows me at an even deeper level. He knows not only my strengths and weaknesses and how I deal with conflict, but the failures and victories still ahead of me, how I’ll respond to challenges He knows are coming, and to what degree I’ll rely on Him through it all.

One of the tests I’ve recently taken focuses on the way I communicate with others. I’m what’s known as a “Challenger.” A Challenger transmits courage and awakens calling. That means when I see people, I see greatness inside of them, and I want to both convince them and motivate them to unlock it. If you’ve poked around on the DareGreatlyNow website, in the “about us” section or in past posts, this may not be a surprise.

It saddens me to see people with untapped potential. I want to help people, especially Christians, believe they can achieve the improbable things God’s called them to do with their lives. I want Christ-followers to see they don’t need to sweat all the details, or even have a clear view of the big picture; they just need to do their part, whatever it is, and trust not only that God knows what He’s doing, but also that He’s weaving all the lives and efforts of other believers into a masterpiece to fight evil, save souls, strengthen faith, and glorify Him.

A pitfall for me is being susceptible to always pushing for more, always urging higher and higher levels of dedication or performance, at the cost of failing to stop and celebrate wins. “That was yesterday’s victory, we need new sacrifice to win today’s battle!” I’m in danger of pushing the people I communicate with away, making them think “will I ever be enough for this guy?”

So let’s meet in the middle. Right now I’m talking to my Christian brothers and sisters out there. How has God been at work in your life lately, and what wins in your spiritual life can you celebrate? If you’re trying to establish or improve devotional habits, for example, celebrate a win like “I read the entire passage I was supposed to read for my devotions,” or “I’m still extending my longest streak of daily devotions.” Those are wins, and they should be celebrated.

If you’re trying to get established in a habit or spiritual discipline, let me offer a tactic you might find useful. I’ll use the example of going to the gym, but you can use it for building time spent on devotions, prayer, volunteering, giving to the offering, and any other habit you’re trying to improve. If it’s been a long time since you’ve been to the gym and you’re pretty much starting from scratch, follow this simple rule. For the first week, go every day you’ve decided to go (three days a week, five days a week, etc.), but spend no longer than 5 minutes inside the building. You can walk in, get on a treadmill for 3 minutes, then walk out. Finish week one? Do the same thing for week two. Do it again in week three. What this is doing is helping you master the art of showing up. You’ll get tired of spending more time traveling to and from the gym than actually working out. Once you prove to yourself you can make room in your life for the habit, show yourself you can improve on it. Instead of 3 minutes on the treadmill, do 7, or instead of 3 mph, do 3 and a half. Turn a set of curls into a set of curls and a set of flies. Instead of two laps in the pool, do four. Celebrate those wins as you reach new milestones. While you’re reaching those new milestones, you just might realize you have it within yourself to reach for even higher goals.

In a complete left turn, here’s another way of looking at this. Sometimes artwork speaks to me in a way nothing else does. I came across this picture while looking for music to listen to while writing. More than any other picture of friends embracing, wildlife beside peaceful waters, or a single set of footprints on the beach, this picture challenges me to move toward what I want to be spiritually. We see a soldier, having fulfilled the task he’s been assigned, taking a moment in his exhaustion before rising to his feet. It’s been a long fight, and his strength is practically gone. He’s been fighting so hard for so long he’s got to mentally push himself to even summon the strength to stand. He’s come under fire, he’s probably lost companions, but the equipping he’s received enabled him to perform the feat to which he’s been called. He can’t see the bigger picture, but he doesn’t need to, because he trusts his commander to use him the best way possible. Yes, he’s been intimidated, overwhelmed with fear, and knows there’s no guarantee he’ll see tomorrow, but he knows those are only excuses for not putting forth everything he’s got. By focusing on the things he can control and not worrying about the things he can’t, he can channel all his energy into what he’s been charged with doing.

Though it’s not part of the picture, I imagine a scene taking place later, when this same soldier kneels before his ruler, having brought honor to him through his obedience, faithfulness, and tenacity. Receiving a hand on his shoulder and a joyful “well done” from the figure he wants most in his life to honor would bring him to tears.

It’s a metaphor of the way I want my life to look when it reaches its end, and it’s what I want to urge you toward in your own life. What strength are you holding back and not committing to your calling? Is there a tough choice you’ve been avoiding, because you know it will cost you something you’ve so far been unwilling to give? Celebrate the wins in your spiritual life, but don’t ever think “this is it. This is as high as I can go. God can’t use me any more than He already has.” The path to your greatest potential might just lie through your greatest fear.