Did you know your words can have an impact that lasts for years, or even decades?
I used to work with a dude I’ll call Marcus. This was a guy who used to be a Green Beret in the Army. When he was growing up in the Midwest, still a young teenager, Marcus had a cousin who was some kind of all-star football player at the state level. I guess this cousin was also a beast in the weight room, because he could bench press, like, 400+ pounds, while he was still in high school.
I guess he started making a name for himself, and the cousin got to be something of a local celebrity athlete. As you can imagine, it lit a fire under his younger cousin, Marcus, to start hitting the weights. He began visiting the weight room pretty regularly, and started making some significant gains. He was excited when he finally put up 225 pounds. Now, you’re not going to win any competitions by benching 225 a single time, but it is a substantial milestone. This is kind of when you graduate to being able to lift some serious weight. Up until now, putting weights on the bar consists of a large iron plate on either side, accompanied by a smattering of smaller weights. Once you hit 225, you get to put two of the largest plates on each side, and this much cleaner appearance makes it easy for everybody to know exactly how much you’re doing.
Proud of his accomplishment, Marcus informed his grandpa of his progress. “Grandpa! I bench pressed 225!” The response wasn’t what Marcus was looking for. Instead of an “atta boy!” or “great job, Son!,” he got a different answer. “Oh, looks like you’ve got a ways to go!”
Much later in his life, when I worked with him, Marcus was 41 years old and had just benched 345 pounds in his basement gym. Twenty-five or so years after they were uttered, Grandpa’s words were still echoing in Marcus’ mind, taunting him.
Be careful with your words. The positive ones are nice, and are often encouraging, but they get drowned out pretty easily by all the noise out there. The negative ones stick around longer and have a lot more staying power. While it’s true that negative criticism can drive people to do things they might not otherwise be able to do, is it your place to offer that kind of “help?” Not everybody is able to turn those hurtful or thoughtless words into motivation and drive. Of those who can, many of them carry around needless stress because of it. Consider offering encouragement, and if that’s coming up short, only then consider alternative ways of helping them move toward their goal.