I recently learned a lesson in forgiveness.
My wife and I were out for lunch, just the two of us. We don’t often get a chance to do that, and we always look forward to it. Ordinarily we don’t grab dessert when we’re out, but on this occasion I had been looking forward to a special treat. I had been anticipating it for days, actually; a gigantic slice of chocolate mousse cake topped with whipped cream. There was no way I could finish it in one sitting; it was something I planned to order knowing full well I’d have to bring at least some of it home.
Our server was very nice, and he answered whatever questions we had. We gave him our order and chatted while we waited for the food to arrive. I think we were even able to chat the whole time without talking about the kids. At last, he came with our food, but he mixed up our orders and put down the wrong plate in front of each of us. In hindsight, we should’ve just let him walk away and switch them after he left, but we let him know he had it backwards. He picked both plates back up and switched them, but in the course of swapping, he knocked over my glass of ice water, spilling the whole thing directly into my lap.
He apologized multiple times and started cleaning up the mess. I was irritated, obviously, but kept my cool and didn’t flip out on the guy or anything, and assured him that everything was fine. I’ve had bad days where I made mistakes and other people had to deal with the consequences of my bad choices, so I reminded myself of that and just tried to let things go. It was an honest mistake and the guy seemed genuinely sorry. I used a cloth napkin to try to soak up as much water as I could from my soggy pants, and was grateful it was just water and not something sugary or hot.
After the excitement died down my wife and I were able to start enjoying our food. At some point I started thinking ahead to that dessert I’d been looking forward to so much. Then it dawned on me that I might be able to snag it for free! They’d want to make it up to me after the inconvenience they put me through, right? There was a silver lining! As we neared the end of our meal, we didn’t want to stick around and have dessert at the restaurant, so I asked for the check and a slice of cake to go.
When the check came, I expected the dessert to be on the house, but there it was, marked as full price on the receipt.
Truth be told, I was a little miffed. I could have pulled the guy aside and said “look man, you kind of ruined my lunch here a little bit, don’t you think? What do you say you guys comp me the dessert?” I’m sure he would have made something happen, and if he didn’t, I’m sure the manager on duty would’ve cut us a break.
Yeah, I could have, but I just kinda got this sense, like somebody was saying “You forgave him. The relationship is restored. There’s no need for him to provide additional restitution. You know full well you intended to get that cake days in advance. They don’t owe you anything.”
That was a little deflating, but I begrudgingly acknowledged it was the right thing to do. We treated the guy as if he hadn’t spilled water on me, and we went on our way. After all, forgiveness shouldn’t come with strings attached, right?
Well, by throwing out this example of just how gracious I am, I’m pretty sure I lost my heavenly reward on this one. Even so, I’m hoping it’s somehow worthwhile to someone who reads it. Don’t take the wrong lesson away from this one (“what a sap…he should’ve made a bigger stink about it so he could’ve got what he wanted!”). No. Asking forgiveness can be hard, but granting forgiveness can be harder. If someone’s genuinely sorry, you gotta let it go. That doesn’t mean you need to be their best friend, and it doesn’t mean you can’t learn from your interactions. It just means you need to forgive them and move on with your life.
This Christmas season, is there anyone you need to settle accounts with, either asking for, or granting, forgiveness?