Author: Tim

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Hanging on by a Thread (Part 1 of 3)

Read Part 2 or Part 3

For Christmas 2014 we visited my wife’s folks in northwestern Ohio. Instead of going straight there from Virginia, we drove to see some family near Dayton first. The kids had lots of fun playing with cousins, staying up later than usual, and generally wearing themselves (and us) out. At the end of that visit, we drove about two and a half hours to my in-laws’ place.


I think it was the afternoon of the 26th or 27th; I was worn out. There were two Christmas celebrations with two different sides of the family, but my young family had to skip one of them because the kids were worn out, sick, or getting sick. My oldest actually developed an ear infection, so we spent some time in an Urgent Care because of the pain she was in. I was beat, so I was laying on the living room floor, starting to fall asleep.

There were people moving around. My father-in-law, Lee, took a moment to sit down on the couch, put his feet up, and close his eyes. My wife and her mom Pam were moving around the area, working on a few other things as I drifted off.

Then I heard my wife’s worried tone. I don’t remember much of what she was saying, but she was urgently trying to soothe Lee. Pam came rushing over, too, and then there were two worried tones. I opened my eyes to see what was happening, and Lee, still reclining on the couch, looked like he was having a seizure.

I got up and ran over. He was unresponsive, his eyes were fluttering, and his body was spasming. I tried picking him up to lower him to the ground…no easy task when someone’s body goes completely rigid. I laid him flat on the ground, and my CPR training from nearly 20 years prior came rushing back. I checked for breathing, but there didn’t seem like there was any. I retilted his head to try opening his airway, but still nothing. I forgot to do a finger sweep to see if there was anything in his mouth, which ended up causing some complications later. I began doing rescue breathing on my father-in-law.

Finding a pulse can be a tricky thing. When I learned CPR on dummies, we didn’t use the kind that simulated pulses. As a result, we did a pulse check knowing full well there wasn’t going to be one. I tried his neck, I tried his wrist, and I tried his chest. I couldn’t find anything, so by all counts I should have begun doing CPR, but I doubted myself. I thought “well this might be a faint one right here.” In my mind it’s a scary thing to begin chest compressions, because that means someone’s in REAL trouble. I ended up not doing any compressions because I wasn’t thinking objectively; I hadn’t thought about any of this in years and I was scared of messing up.

Somewhere in this sequence we called an ambulance. Thankfully, there was a volunteer fire station not two blocks away, so they arrived very quickly. That time we spent waiting for them seemed like it took forever, though. Between trying to find a pulse, rescue breathing, trying to shoo the kids out of the room, and all the confusion going on, it was chaos. My youngest, who was a little older than a year at the time, crawled over Lee’s legs, cheerfully unaware that anything was wrong, before we got the kids wrangled up.

Once the EMTs arrived I happily yielded to someone who knew a lot more about what to do in this situation. Almost right away after evaluating the situation, they wrapped some kind of band around Lee’s chest, and it began doing chest compressions on its own. We filled in some of the volunteers on what happened, what kind of meds Lee took, etc., all while the EMTs worked on him. It seemed to take awhile, but eventually they prepared to load him into the ambulance. As they were busily moving about, I asked one of them “do we have a pulse?” I was very glad to hear “we do, but it’s weak.”

They loaded Lee into the ambulance, and off they went. I drove Pam to the hospital, chasing right behind. The trip was a short one, thankfully. We went into the ER and eventually met up with the doc on duty, and we told him what we knew. A flurry of phone calls, conversations with doctors, and newly arriving friends of the family followed. This particular hospital wasn’t well equipped to deal with this situation, so they prepared to transfer Lee via helicopter to a larger hospital in Toledo about an hour away by car. Shortly before the helicopter departed, the staff invited a few of us back to where Lee was being prepped for the trip. He was intubated, had IVs and heart monitors in place, and was still unconscious. This was Pam’s opportunity to see Lee one more time before splitting up to travel separately.

After a few moments, we left the ER. Some friends of the family volunteered to drive Pam up to the hospital in Toledo. We went back to the house and got a few things packed for Pam. My wife, deeply concerned about her father, wanted to go along too, so she got ready to leave. In a whirlwind they grabbed a few items and headed out. Once they departed, I was left there with my three young kiddos, just the four of us, in a house that suddenly seemed very quiet, and we didn’t know how long it would be before anyone came back.

Looking back, I didn’t do any chest compressions on Lee even though I probably should have. No, I hadn’t had any refresher training in a long time, but I knew what was next in the sequence. The reason I didn’t do it was because I was so scared of making the wrong decision (starting chest compressions when there was no need to do them) that I ended up making no decision. On the other hand, enough training came back to me to be able to help Lee in the immediate situation until more skilled people arrived. Ultimately the EMTs and volunteers’ speedy arrival was crucial in Lee living long enough to open his eyes again, but for the next few days we weren’t sure if that was going to happen.

You have to train now for things that will happen in the future. By the time you get there and need the knowledge, it will be too late to learn something and start new habits. I’m not talking strictly in the sense of emergency response, but for difficult and trying times in general. They’re coming. How do you react when things go sideways? What are you spending your time thinking about, moving toward, and taking steps to become? When hard times come, do you dig harder into devotions and prayer, or stop doing them altogether? If your track record is to be considered your training regimen, have you been training yourself to turn to God, or away from him?

Lee’s chances of survival were dropping the longer I hesitated. Even though I knew what I should be gearing up to do, I didn’t start doing it because I wasn’t confident about his pulse. The things you’ve spent time repeating, drilling into yourself, come back to you though, and you can draw on them when you need them. What do you do repetitively and regularly today in order to prepare yourself for when you’ll need it in the future?

Read Part 2 or Part 3

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Thinking About Thinking

Sleep analytics

Technology today enables us to obtain “analytics” about everything. Most new cars tell you what kind of gas mileage they’re getting. Social media accounts tell you with ridiculous accuracy all kinds of statistics about interactions between you and your connections. You can wear a watch that tells you how many steps you take and how much and what kind of sleep you get.

What if we had something that tells us how much time (and the level of intensity) we spend thinking about various topics?

Uh oh. It just got uncomfortable in here.

Think about this: your daydreams and wishes may not always come true, but the things you spend your time thinking about represent the direction in which your life will move. Stated another way, your life moves in the direction of your most prevalent thoughts. If you received a pie chart with percentages of the time you spend thinking about different things, both good and bad, would you be pleased with your life moving toward the biggest slice of the chart?

I have a full-time job and a family that includes three kids. Life is busy. After we lay the kids down, most of the time I just want to switch my brain off and watch something entertaining. There’s definitely a time and a place for that, but if that’s what you do most of the time, there’s not much deliberate thought built into moving your life in the direction you want it to go. A life with thoughts that constantly drift leads to the kind of life that does the same thing.

Time for another hypothetical chart. How many hours a week are you a Christian? One hour, sometimes, on Sunday mornings? Are devotions built into your day? Is there a group you can join…some kind of a Bible study or home group you can be a part of? A close friend with which you’re able to discuss the challenges you face in your Christian walk?

I say this not to shame anyone, but to help you determine if any sort of changes are in order. There are five weeknights in a week. Let’s assume that for whatever reason, two of them are already spoken for, and you have three nights available. Consider devoting at least part of one of them to this second chart. Put down that book that isn’t doing anyone any good, and pick up something that’s going to focus your mind where it should be focused. Instead of channel surfing, there are plenty of inspirational talks, or even sermons, on YouTube. To get you started, check out this website’s “Additional Resources” section: https://daregreatlynow.com/additional-resources/.

Your time is valuable. That means that you probably value the things you spend thinking about during your small amounts of free time. Do they honor God? Strive to make that happen, and I promise you your life will move in a better direction.

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Where Do You Come From and Where Are You Going?

I left for Air Force Basic Training one December day in 2003. Young men and women from all over the United States converged on San Antonio, Texas, to begin their Air Force journey.

For those that aren’t familiar with military life, the whole idea of Basic Training for any military service is to take a collection of individuals with nothing in common and teach them, well, the basics of life in that particular branch of service. People of every race and economic background, political persuasion, from all 50 states, Washington DC, and territories like Guam, Puerto Rico, and various other areas, all need to learn how to cooperate and function as a team. The different branches of the military vary in how they do it, but in the Air Force, all enlisted members complete Basic Military Training (BMT) and then move on to train for the particular job they’ll be doing. In the same group of basic trainees, you might have someone that’s going to be an aircraft mechanic, someone that’s going to be a door gunner on a helicopter, someone that’s going to be a medic, someone that works in finance, and someone on the bomb squad.

Basic Military Training is a good idea, and is necessary for military service, but it’s a terrible experience for most. I hated it. The instructors are determined to make every round peg fit into a square hole. If trainees/recruits refuse to conform or play by the instructors’ rules, they don’t make it in the military. All men get the same haircut; we all march in unison; even the name of our clothes–uniform–explains the level of conformity to which we had to acclimate.

For the first few days, before we got our haircuts and initial uniform issue, we looked about as different as could be. After we got our haircuts and clothes, we all pretty much looked the same and even had some difficulties telling each other apart. Over time though, we learned to distinguish between fellow recruits that we couldn’t tell apart before, and we discovered that different people had different strengths. Some were good at leadership, others at academics. While one group might excel at marching, they might be terrible at physical training or shining boots. We learned that if we were to succeed as a team, those who performed at a high level in a particular area needed to help teach those who lagged behind.

In BMT we all worked together to complete whatever tasks the instructors gave us. We didn’t always see the point of a given task, but we knew that we had to do it or life would become more miserable.

It’s a little different in the body of Christ. We all bring something different to the table, but Christ values each individual more than we can know. Christ followers didn’t go through their own version of BMT, but they all have the shared experience of yielding control of their lives to Him. It’s a wonderful experience to “graduate” into becoming a Christian, but that’s when, like when we finish BMT in the Air Force, we scatter and perform our different jobs. We all have different strengths and weaknesses, and we’re free to use our strengths for the glory of God’s kingdom.

In major military conflicts, commanding generals/admirals must decide the best way to position their forces and resources to accomplish their objectives. They can break tasks down and assign them to specific units. The individual Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines in those units don’t have the whole picture available to them, but they have to do their best to accomplish their designated tasks, trusting that their senior officers have made the best decision.

Now imagine if the General assigned tasks not to individual units, but to individual people. Like in the military, in Christianity we don’t always know why we receive the order to accomplish a certain task, but if we don’t do it, our Commanding Officer has to figure out a different way to accomplish His objectives. In His matchless power and wisdom, this shouldn’t be a problem, but there’s always a reason why His “Plan A” was His first choice. When we choose not to accomplish our tasks, or not to accomplish them fully, there’s some sort of fallout for the big picture. We might not learn what it is on this side of Heaven, but I can’t imagine there’s much benefit from telling the Creator of the Universe that your way is better than His.

If that sounds like something you’ve done before, that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the road for your Christian walk. Resolve not to make that choice again. Easier said than done, I know, but you can do it. God doesn’t tell you to do anything that He won’t enable you to do. If it looked like an easy thing to accomplish, people wouldn’t recognize that God had a hand in it. Everything will be in place by the time you need it. I leave you with these words from Joshua 1:9, after Moses died and Joshua, the new leader of the Israelites, had some enormous shoes to fill:

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

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Fatherhood Fun

I don’t know what it is about Dads, but we love to get our kids riled up. We know we shouldn’t  do it as much as we do, but we can’t help it sometimes. Daddies are the loud ones, the human jungle gyms, and the ones that tend to ratchet things up rather than down. Mommies are the soothers, the comforters, the ones the kids go to when something hurts (probably because of something Daddy did while roughhousing).

Since my kids were little, the basement has been the place where they could be loud. If they had too much sugar or they were just a little extra wound up, we’d banish them to the basement for awhile. When my two oldest kids were pretty young, one time I took them in the basement to work off some energy while Mommy got a little peace and quiet upstairs. My oldest daughter and my son loved when Daddy went a little crazy with them.

Around that time we came up with a game that was kind of like dodgeball. Back then our basement was set up so that as you came down the stairs, you pulled a U-turn and walked down a hallway to another room. Right across from the bottom of the stairs was another room. I’d go to the room at the far end of the hall and throw a ball at the wall near the bottom of the stairs while my kiddos ran back and forth between the two safe zones (the blind spot at the bottom of the stairs and the room across from it). It sounds kind of sadistic, but they loved it and they weren’t going to get hurt. I had a ball that was kind of scary because it was very loud when it hit the wall, so any time it “just missed” them, it was a big thrill for them because they had snuck past Daddy’s throw without getting hit. I pegged them plenty of times too, but it usually ended with lots of giggles. J

My kids weren’t very old at this point, probably about 5 and 3. They loved playing this game though, because this is where they learned to use teamwork to “distract” Daddy. One would feint, act like they were going to dash across the line of fire, but it was really just a trick to get Daddy to throw the ball while they were still safe, and then the other one would make a break for it before the ball bounced back to Daddy.

I’d try bouncing the ball off the hallway’s walls, or putting spin on the ball so that it still bounced after them even if they were in the safe zones. Naturally, the ball would get stuck on their side every now and then, but they’d peek out from behind their cover, pick it up, and throw it to me and dive back for cover before I could pick it up and throw it again.

Little dodgeball champions

One time my little guy picked it up and threw it to me, but then forgot to get back behind some cover. I gave him some warning and made a big show of winding up for a big throw, but he still wasn’t catching on that he was exposed. With all the gravity of a life-and-death situation, big sis dashed across the line of fire, knowing full well that Daddy was about to unleash a fastball. My little medal-of-honor-winner-in-training jumped behind him and grabbed him under his armpits, and then yanked him back to safety. He fell down on top of her in the process, with the ball narrowly missing both of them.

There are some things in the Bible that you just don’t fully appreciate unless you deal with young kids a lot. This story about my kids helps me better grasp one story in the book of Mark (10:17-31). A rich young ruler came up to Jesus and asked “what do I need to do to have eternal life?” This guy was probably a young ruler in the local synagogue, steeped in the legalism of the day. With his line of thinking he was essentially looking for some kind of religious deed he could perform that would guarantee his entry into Heaven. Although he was misguided, that didn’t make him insincere.

Jesus more or less told him “you know the deal…follow all the commandments…don’t murder, don’t commit adultery, don’t steal, don’t lie, don’t defraud, and honor your father and mother.”

While most of us at that point probably would have remembered at least one time in our lives where we told a lie or let Mom or Dad down, this guy had a different reaction.

“Yep, I’m good with all that. What else do I need to do?”

If you’re Jesus, and this guy has the nerve to say that to you, even if he believed it was true, what are you gonna be thinking?

Here’s the part that my kids helped me understand. “Jesus looked at him and loved him.”

Some translations might say that Jesus felt great compassion for him. I was truly moved to see my daughter sacrifice her safety for the sake of her little brother. The guy in the story was earnestly seeking the truth from Christ, but he didn’t know he was now playing in a different league. Like seeing my little guy standing in the line of fire without knowing he was in danger, Christ probably looked at this young man and thought to himself “Bless your little heart. You’re so clueless and you don’t even know it.”

There are lots of other fatherhood experiences where those words came to mind: “Jesus looked at him and loved him.” Christ had compassion both for people that were His followers and for people that were not. We’re called to do the same.

Who can you show compassion for today?

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Wait For It…

Sometimes when you’re stuck in a waiting period, you just need to make the best of it.

In my senior year of college, I was the Vice President of the Paddle Sports club. This club was for people that wanted to try their hand at kayaking and whitewater rafting. The academic year is kind of tricky for paddling because school’s not in session during a huge chunk of the prime season, so we held pool sessions twice a week during the entire academic year. During those sessions, it was a great opportunity for newcomers to learn the basics of kayaking. The problem was…when there were no newcomers, or when the winter began dragging on, those pool sessions got kinda dull. If you already knew how to roll a kayak, you had to come up with other ways to keep it interesting.

In the pool, those of us that were regulars would try strange stuff: try to roll a capsized kayak without using a paddle; setting up a kayak on one of the diving boards and getting in, then sliding off the board into the pool; putting on a life jacket and trying to swim down to the bottom of the pool’s deep end to retrieve something from the floor. Out of all of it though, I think the nuttiest stuff we did involved practicing righting a capsized raft.

When you have a whitewater raft full of people, and you’re shooting through some big water, it can be a dangerous thing if the raft flips and people get scattered. It’s best to have at least a couple of people in each raft that know how to flip it back over. That way if a raft gets flipped in some whitewater, whoever’s closest can flip it back over and get on with the business of bringing everyone back into the boat.

Example of righting a capsized raft

Each raft used in whitewater rafting normally has a rope tied to at least one of the sides. If the raft flips upside-down, someone climbs up on top of it. While grabbing the rope and standing on the opposite edge of the raft, they lean backward while pulling on the rope, eventually falling into the water and flipping the capsized raft back over the right way.

Once you know how to do it, it’s not a difficult thing to do. It’s important to practice though, because it’s one thing to do it in the pool, but it’s something entirely different when you’re bobbing through whitewater, trying to climb up on the raft while wearing a wetsuit, helmet, and life jacket, all while holding a paddle and trying to count heads.

We did a lot of raft-flipping in the pool. The basic version gets boring quickly though. You start trying to make it more interesting. I tried dozens of times to flip the raft while timing the jump just right so that I landed in the righted raft without falling in the water. We paired up and had a guy swim under the capsized raft and hang onto a pontoon, so that when the other guy standing on top of the raft flipped it over, there was already a guy in the boat. We doubled the number and had two guys hanging onto pontoons while two other guys flipped the boat. We even had three guys on top of a capsized raft…as two guys flipped it, the third guy tried to get catapulted into the water (although he miscalculated and got flipped the wrong direction). It was goofy stuff that was just fun, didn’t hurt (much), and served no practical purpose other than helping to pass the time.

What am I getting at? Sometimes you’re going to be stuck waiting for awhile. Whether it’s a low-level job where you have to put your time in, maybe a military assignment that’s a terrible but necessary rung on the ladder, or maybe some season of life where you have to put your primary plans on hold for a bit, you’ll probably find that God put you in (or you got yourself into) a situation where the things you want to do are going to have to take a back seat for awhile. In Paddle Sports, we had the luxury of the season being predictable; we knew we wouldn’t do much outdoor paddling from November to February, but things were going to pick up with the spring thaw. A predictable season is the reality for some, but for others, they don’t know how long they’ll be waiting.

If you find yourself in the middle of your own version of the “winter months,” hang in there. Surround yourself with people that will keep your spirits up and keep spurring you on. There’s usually a lot you can do or learn even in those trying times. Spring’s coming, but for now, do your best to make the most of the time you’ve got.

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Built for Success

In 2002 a college buddy and I took a trip to the Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City, Utah. We got to be spectators at a biathlon, short track speed skating, bobsledding, some downhill slalom, and cross-country skiing events. On top of the events themselves, one night we were able to attend a medal ceremony downtown. A lot of the other nights we’d go visit downtown, because that’s where a ton of stuff was going on. We were able to watch the jumbotron set up in the city to keep up to speed on whatever key events were going on that night. Overall, it was very cool stuff.

In some of the venues we were able to get super close to the athletes or tracks. At the biathlon we actually had to be careful, because we were close enough to get hit in the face with ski poles. Same thing with bobsledding…we could get close enough to reach out and touch the sled as it raced past.

I didn’t really think about it at the time, but athletes from across the globe that participated in the same sport had similar builds or strengths. Hockey players and bobsledders tended to be large and muscular, while short track competitors tended to be a little shorter with more slender builds. Cross-country skiing competitors seemed to be consistently above average height, and figure skaters cultivated grace and agility rather than a muscular physique.

I’m over 6 feet tall, but under 200 pounds. A little bit on the lanky side, I’m physically better suited to play first base or quarterback more than I am to be a catcher or an offensive lineman. I’ve got more potential in the sports of basketball, volleyball, or tennis than I do in the sports of wrestling, powerlifting, or marathon-running.

If I were bent on becoming a professional athlete, I could lament the fact that I’m not built for success in certain areas, or I could try my best to be successful in the areas where I could excel.

It’s the same thing with serving Christ. There are some functions in Christianity where the role has a higher (or more desirable) profile than others. If you’re built and equipped for one function though, don’t lament the fact that you’re not set up for success in another. There’s a reason you have certain tendencies, attitudes, instincts, spiritual gifts, and interests. You were designed and intended to fill a certain role; by focusing on fulfilling a different role, you’re actually detracting from the one you want to escape and the one you want to attain.

Don’t run away from the role you were born to fill. Embrace it, then watch God work through you.

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Refuse To Be Left Behind

I’m gonna skip ahead a little bit on our Olympic adventure.

My buddy and I woke up at a rest stop on our first day in Utah after snoozing in sleeping bags in the car. Our breath had condensed and frozen on the windows overnight. We were only about an hour away from Salt Lake City. After all the driving of the past two days, we were excited to be so close, so we got ready for the day and headed out.

Our breath condensed and froze on the car’s windows overnight

Just arriving in the area was thrilling. Olympic signs and venues were all over the place. Ski jumps, the Olympic rings, extra decorations, it was great. As we drove on the highway through the city, a lot of the buildings were decorated with massive posters of winter sports. We drove into the city, parked, and walked around downtown, happy to be done driving long distances for a bit. The weather was gorgeous; sunny and warm. We saw the Mormon Temple, some of the other local sights, got some donuts, and toured the State Capitol, where there was a traveling exhibit of the Declaration of Independence.

We were super excited to finally be at our destination, but we still had to figure out where we were going to sleep that night. A little after noon we drove out of the city and toward some public land. As it turns out, the public land in that area is much higher in elevation. Added elevation brings lower temperatures and more snow.

As we drew near the place we intended to camp, we stopped at a ranger station to get some more info. Following their directions, we drove until reaching the end of the line; past a certain point they stopped plowing the road. Snowmobiles were all over the place. The only other way in was on foot.

It’s on foot from here

My buddy parked the car in the parking lot and the two of us broke out our cross-country skis. Between the weather and the time of day, visibility was starting to drop and it was going to start getting dark soon. We needed to find a campsite quickly, and we didn’t have time to be too choosy about what spot to use. The two of us skied in, found a spot, then skied back out to the car to grab our gear. We were both decent skiers at the time, but neither of us had ever skied with heavy packs before. They throw off your balance and make it much trickier!

We returned to our site and stomped down the snow to make a spot for the tent. We set up the tent, broke out the stove, and started heating up dinner while unpacking and arranging the rest of our gear for the night. Between not having much to do after dark and still being accustomed to East Coast time, we cracked open and tossed some footwarmers into the sleeping bags and were in for the night a little after 7:30 pm.

Just as a refresher, up until this point in my life the only other time I remember sleeping outside was in a tent in a neighbor’s backyard in the summer as a kid. Now I’m sleeping in a tent in the Wasatch Mountains in February as the snow/sleet falls around us. After sleeping in a car for the past two nights, it was a nice change to be able to stretch out all the way. I slept pretty well until the coyotes started howling later at night. For anyone accustomed to hearing them, you know that there’s nothing to worry about, but if you’re not used to them, you start wondering just how long it will take for a determined coyote to rip through a flimsy tent.

I’d be lying if I told you that I wasn’t afraid of doing what we were doing. It’s one thing to talk like you’re going to do something that stretches you, but it’s something else entirely to do it. Driving from New York to Utah is an adventure in itself, but at least during that whole time, you’ve got a car…with heat, a roof, and a trunk full of stuff. Now we had a tent, sleeping bags, and whatever we could carry in our packs, and we set up camp in a spot that, for all we knew, was at the bottom of a mountain that was ready to trigger an avalanche. And it was snowing.

Why on earth would I do this?

I was willing to do it because this was a once-in-a-lifetime chance. I refused to be left behind. I was in college with few or no other responsibilities, the Winter Olympics were happening in my country, I had the opportunity to go see them, and I had a friend that was willing to do the same crazy thing. In the 17 years since that trip, no similar opportunity has come around again for me.

For just a moment, think about your life and the choices you regret. Often the things that come to mind first are the things you did not do. For everyone, even Christ-followers, there are things you wish you would’ve done differently. Think about the choices that lie before you now, or that you’ll have to address soon. One day you might pause to reflect on them, too. At different times in our lives, everyone’s got a “thing,” an idea that nags at them even when they try to shake it. Many times this is God’s nudge, saying “hey, I want you to do this.” You probably don’t know what will happen if you do it. Maybe you do. Some day you might be in Heaven, talking face to face with the creator of the universe. “Remember when I prompted you to do that thing?” If you have regrets about not doing something now, imagine what it will be like then.

Don’t feel bad about being scared; everybody’s scared of something. Letting fear stop you from doing or being a part of big things is where you start missing out. Don’t let a fear of being fearful paralyze you and prevent you from taking the next step that God’s called you to take.

Refuse to be left behind.

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Will it Always be This Exciting?

Ready to drive across the country to watch the Winter Olympics

This entry took place almost exactly 17 years ago (just two days off).

It had finally arrived. February of 2002 was here, and the Winter Olympics had finally begun. My college roommate and I had been working on a plot to head out to see some of the Olympics in Utah for about a year and a half, and now everyone in our house was watching the opening ceremonies on TV.

All the gear was bought and (mostly) tested. We had our tickets in hand. The numerous little pieces were all falling into place, and in a week or so we would embark on a great adventure.

We made final preparations for the trip and filled our professors in on what we were about to do. We checked and re-checked details about the trip. In those last days before heading out, we watched all kinds of Olympic coverage; it didn’t matter what was on. The guys in our house, getting into the spirit of things, would even watch Curling, which none of us understood. (“YES! Wait…so was that good or bad?”)

As our departure date drew near, we assembled all our gear, packing and re-packing it to see how to maximize use of the space we had. Some of our stuff would be nice to have, but if we couldn’t fit it, it wasn’t going with us.

The day finally arrived. We loaded up my little car with all of the supplies we were bringing. There was barely room for the two of us to fit. We left before dawn.

The initial drive took us from Western New York State to Pittsburgh, where we switched to a larger rental car. From there it was pretty much a straight shot out West along Route 80 to Salt Lake City. We were excited. This was really happening; we were really doing this!

Twelve hours later, we were bored out of our minds.

It was over 2,000 miles and more than 30 hours of driving to our destination. America is a beautiful place, but it’s kinda drab in February. Ohio wasn’t much to look at. Indiana wasn’t much different. It got dark when we were somewhere in Illinois, and we weren’t going to stop for another few hours. We kept going until we hit Iowa after 16 hours of driving on day one, where we eventually found a rest stop and slept in the car overnight.

It seemed like the most beautiful part of some states was a higher speed limit

The excitement had worn off. A day that began with such immense promise and electricity became dull and mundane. All the different radio stations seemed to play the same songs. There wasn’t much scenery to enjoy as we drove. You didn’t need to eat much if all you did was sit in a car all day. We snacked on stuff, but it was as much for having something to do as it was for being hungry. The highlight of the drive that first day was stopping at a Wendy’s for dinner. “Will that be for the dining room, or would you like it to go?”

“NO! The dining room, please!“

The Christian life can be exciting. When you see yourself being used to fulfill God’s purposes, there’s nothing quite like it. It’s thrilling to go on missions trips, start learning about a Bible study topic that hits close to home, read a book about a subject you’ve been wanting to learn more about, or go so far as to start a new project or effort that’s been tugging at your heart. There are going to be times in those journeys, though, where it gets dull, boring, or even becomes downright drudgery.

In a previous post I includede the phrase “go until you get a no.” The drudgery isn’t a “no,” it’s just a way for you to get worn down and an excuse for you to give up. If you give up on a herculean effort because you lose interest or get discouraged, you’re not giving God the opportunity to move mountains. God’s sense of timing tends to be different from our own. If you felt sure that He called you to take on a task, and you went so far as to get started on it, shouldn’t you see it through? Shouldn’t you go until you get a “no?”

Hang in there at least a little longer. God has a way of showing up at just the right time.

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Valentine’s Day Gift

Ever think about how you don’t need help getting into trouble? Ever notice how you don’t need to teach kids to do bad stuff? For example, did you show them how to lie, or did they just kind of figure that one out on their own?

My son has told us some lies before. These were like, blatant, totally unprompted lies. He’s a little more slick about it these days, but when he was just a little guy, he once said “I don’t have anything in my mouth” after he got into a bag of chips without our permission. His mouth was…you guessed it…full of chips! On another occasion he was supposed to be up in his room napping. When he came down, without us saying anything, he told us “I wasn’t looking out the window.”

Dude, at least make it hard for us.

Most of the time instructions and laws seem to be phrased in negative terms. “Don’t lie.” “Don’t cheat.” It’s much more rare to have laws that are positive in nature. Most of the Ten Commandments are the same way. Only two of them are phrased in the positive (remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy; respect your father and mother).

Elsewhere in the Bible God gives other instructions. Sometimes He says stuff that’s intuitive or obvious. Other times He tells us stuff that maybe we’ve heard or read a few times, but we still miss it even though it’s something we ought to know and need some help learning.

Valentine’s Day presents the opportunity to reflect on one such instruction.

In many marriages, you can ask the husband “does your wife love you?” Often he’ll answer “well, yeah, sure she does.” Probe a little further, though, and you might identify a problem. “Does she respect you?” The answer probably doesn’t come as quickly, and if he doesn’t feel as though his wife respects him, there could be an issue.

Hang on though, guys, ‘cuz you’re not perfect, either. Stick with me, there’s a Biblical basis for this. The opposite is often true for wives. She might feel sufficiently respected, but she might not quite feel loved. (There’s a difference between knowing you’re loved and feeling that you’re loved.)

Regardless of whether you’re a male or female breadwinner, “working all day just to put food on the table and keep a roof over our heads” is great, but isn’t the only thing your significant other needs from you.

If either one isn’t getting what they need, that person is running at an emotional deficit. Wives, maybe you respect your husbands, but he may not feel it. Husbands, of course you love your wives, but you need to make her know it and believe it. For everybody…your spouse needs what they need; just because you don’t feel like you require extra love/respect doesn’t mean they can go without it. Don’t cut them off from what they need just because you look at them through the prism of you.

Take a look at the book of Ephesians. In chapter 5, God tells us (in positive verbiage) what to do. He doesn’t give us a “don’t,” he gives us a “do.” These days the first part is easy to misconstrue as being outdated and part of the “toxic masculinity” you hear about in men’s razor commercials. Don’t twist it; read the whole thing. Right on the heels of talking about how to live with and treat other Christians, the author turns his attention to household relationships in verses 22-33.

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might [g]sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, [h]of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Note how it doesn’t say “husbands, respect your wives,” or “wives, love your husbands.” Why not? Because most of the time, those things aren’t the shortfalls. We’re probably already doing them. This passage guides us to do something that doesn’t come naturally.

There’s a whole study on this topic called “Love and Respect” by Emerson Eggerichs. I’ve never read the book, but the DVD series was phenomenal. “Pink and Blue…not wrong…just different.” Great stuff for a small group setting or Sunday School class.

If you haven’t been offering what your spouse needs, and then you start providing it, watch how powerful an agent it can be. Flowers and chocolates are great and all, but how about this year, you make a concerted effort to deliver what your spouse or significant other really needs?

Happy Valentine’s Day!

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