If you follow my posts, you probably think to yourself every once in awhile “this guy talks a good game, but what does life look like for him when things get tough?” It’s time for a little bit of transparency. I’m human and I have failings, and it’s often difficult to worship God by pursuing His calling. The whole intent behind writing this blog is to push readers to use more of the potential God’s empowered them with. Here’s an update on what that looks like for me.
I’ve shared in the past that I feel led to write some Christian fiction books. The original plan was seven books that are each 40,000 to 50,000 words. From there it expanded so that a few of those seven stories had multiple volumes, leading to a goal of 10 books that are an average of 50,000 each. That’s a total of half a million words.
As I’ve shared before, this is an odd calling for me. I have a blog, but I don’t come from a writing background. I think I wrote a 10,000-word paper for a college class one time. My academic studies have mostly been science-focused, so venturing into creative writing (especially a creative writing endeavor of this magnitude) is wading into deep waters for me.
Truth be told, I’m pumped about this opportunity. My soul feels settled now that I feel like I know the purpose and manner by which I should honor my Savior. There are a lot of difficulties associated with a project like this, though. I had seven stories floating around in my head, and my imagination kept splitting its focus and bouncing between them. Where should I start? I’d sputter through some writing, but there were so many possible storylines that I couldn’t keep track of them all. Ideas kept coming and coming, and it was all I could do to write down all the ideas.
Taking a linear approach, I started with book number one, dabbled in book number two when I needed to think about something different, and put down some notes for books five and six as I went. I made some decent headway on books one and two, but the ideas kept rolling in for book five (which grew to three volumes), so I got more and more excited about that one. In the interest of focusing my efforts, I eventually stopped working on most of the other stuff and zeroed in on the book five trilogy.
The hardest part for me isn’t the enormous nature of the project. I’ve written down a lot of words. To date, I have over 135,000 words in draft for the different stories. For me the hardest part is how slow the progress is. I’ve got a full-time job, plus a family and all their extracurricular activities. I usually sleep less than six hours a night, I get home about 10 hours after I leave for work. I exercise, I write a blog, I do yardwork, and I pay credit card bills. I need to fill out another form for something? Now it’s time to do taxes. Since starting the series, I’ve twice been notified that my job would be ending and I need to look for a new one. There’s not much time (or sometimes, mental energy) to devote to writing. In fact, over the past year, the bulk of the writing I’ve done is when I take one of my kids to youth group one night out of the week. I find a quiet place in the church to write for a couple of hours while I wait for the event to be over. That usually results in 1,000 to 1,300 words a week. That’s not real fast when you consider the end goal (which, by the way, has been revised upwards to over 650,000 words after finding out just how much text it takes to tell the story you want to tell).
The frustration for me is finally having a clear vision of what God wants me to put effort into, but not being able to execute as quickly as I’d like. It’s aggravating to look at a lot of the junk that comes out of Hollywood and think “I have stories in my head that a Christian movie production company could make and Christian families would probably love, but I can’t write them down and revise them fast enough.”
And yet, despite that aggravation, it’s nice to trust that I’m working on God’s schedule. Ever meet someone that’s really eager to do something, or take on the world all at once? I guess God’s got to slow me down to meet His timing. I don’t know if that’s what He’s doing, but I have to trust that as long as I’m putting earnest effort into it, I’m going to make the progress He wants me to make.
I would love to be able to make a living off writing, but it looks like it’ll be a long time before that comes to pass. In fact, it might not ever be the case. I just know that I have to keep pressing on. Not only is this the task God laid before me, but I’ve now written too much for this to be something I give up on (I can’t just toss 135,000 words in the trash and not look back).
I share this with you not because I’m looking for pity. I’m letting you in on it because I want to be up front and honest with you. The jobs God gives you will not be easy. They’re going to cost you. Sometimes it’s a battle to even keep going. You’ll very likely ask yourself “should I give up?” I urge you not to. There’s no way for any of us to know what our obedience can set in motion, and we have a tendency to think too small about the possibilities. For example, there’s no guarantee that this is how things will play out, but what if there’s a major Christian revival that’s still to come, yet it won’t happen until one or more of the books I’m working on gets out there to shift people’s perspective? That view ought to keep me going. If God handed me a project to work on, I have to assume it’s an important one, right? It’s my responsibility to keep chipping away at it, no matter how long it takes. One of my favorite TobyMac song lyrics is “if I can’t walk, then I’m crawlin’.” If crawlin’ is the best I can do right now, then that’s what I’m going to do, but I’ll be looking forward to a time when I can stand up and walk or break out into a run.
I want this post to encourage you. Don’t quit. The Lord knows exactly what each of us is capable of, but we, His followers, are the weak link in this chain. When you receive a seemingly impossible assignment from Him, you’ve got to trust that not only is it achievable, you’re also going to have what you need at the time you need it. Don’t let a lack of resolve be the reason you don’t get across the finish line. If the Lord led you to do something, it’s got to be important either for other Christians or for unsaved souls. Please don’t let us down.
Excellent blog. Love your enthusiasm for writing fiction.