I Ordered One Thing But Got a Surprise Instead

I recently learned a lesson in forgiveness.

My wife and I were out for lunch, just the two of us. We don’t often get a chance to do that, and we always look forward to it. Ordinarily we don’t grab dessert when we’re out, but on this occasion I had been looking forward to a special treat. I had been anticipating it for days, actually; a gigantic slice of chocolate mousse cake topped with whipped cream. There was no way I could finish it in one sitting; it was something I planned to order knowing full well I’d have to bring at least some of it home.

Our server was very nice, and he answered whatever questions we had. We gave him our order and chatted while we waited for the food to arrive. I think we were even able to chat the whole time without talking about the kids. At last, he came with our food, but he mixed up our orders and put down the wrong plate in front of each of us. In hindsight, we should’ve just let him walk away and switch them after he left, but we let him know he had it backwards. He picked both plates back up and switched them, but in the course of swapping, he knocked over my glass of ice water, spilling the whole thing directly into my lap.

He apologized multiple times and started cleaning up the mess. I was irritated, obviously, but kept my cool and didn’t flip out on the guy or anything, and assured him that everything was fine. I’ve had bad days where I made mistakes and other people had to deal with the consequences of my bad choices, so I reminded myself of that and just tried to let things go. It was an honest mistake and the guy seemed genuinely sorry. I used a cloth napkin to try to soak up as much water as I could from my soggy pants, and was grateful it was just water and not something sugary or hot.

After the excitement died down my wife and I were able to start enjoying our food. At some point I started thinking ahead to that dessert I’d been looking forward to so much. Then it dawned on me that I might be able to snag it for free! They’d want to make it up to me after the inconvenience they put me through, right? There was a silver lining! As we neared the end of our meal, we didn’t want to stick around and have dessert at the restaurant, so I asked for the check and a slice of cake to go.

When the check came, I expected the dessert to be on the house, but there it was, marked as full price on the receipt.

Truth be told, I was a little miffed. I could have pulled the guy aside and said “look man, you kind of ruined my lunch here a little bit, don’t you think? What do you say you guys comp me the dessert?” I’m sure he would have made something happen, and if he didn’t, I’m sure the manager on duty would’ve cut us a break.

Yeah, I could have, but I just kinda got this sense, like somebody was saying “You forgave him. The relationship is restored. There’s no need for him to provide additional restitution. You know full well you intended to get that cake days in advance. They don’t owe you anything.”

That was a little deflating, but I begrudgingly acknowledged it was the right thing to do. We treated the guy as if he hadn’t spilled water on me, and we went on our way. After all, forgiveness shouldn’t come with strings attached, right?

Well, by throwing out this example of just how gracious I am, I’m pretty sure I lost my heavenly reward on this one. Even so, I’m hoping it’s somehow worthwhile to someone who reads it. Don’t take the wrong lesson away from this one (“what a sap…he should’ve made a bigger stink about it so he could’ve got what he wanted!”). No. Asking forgiveness can be hard, but granting forgiveness can be harder. If someone’s genuinely sorry, you gotta let it go. That doesn’t mean you need to be their best friend, and it doesn’t mean you can’t learn from your interactions. It just means you need to forgive them and move on with your life.

This Christmas season, is there anyone you need to settle accounts with, either asking for, or granting, forgiveness?

A Special Thanks to Those who Look To Include Others

Despite humanity being more connected than ever before (at least superficially), there are currently a lot of lonely people out there. For those folks, Thanksgiving is the start of a very hard season.

I’ve been blessed to spend almost every Thanksgiving with family and/or friends, but the odd occasion where that didn’t work out gave me a little taste of the loneliness that can be a hidden difficulty of the holiday season. You add to that all the commercials about people spending time with loved ones, and it starts to feel like you don’t fit in. Even Black Friday commercials and advertisements sting a little bit. After all, what’s the point of all those sales if you already have the stuff you want and you don’t really have anyone to buy for?

Now imagine not just a week, or even a month, of this, but living like this all the time.

Thanksgiving is this week. Do you have a little extra room at your table for someone who’d otherwise be alone? Someone who’s single (young or otherwise), someone whose loved one(s) is/are far away because of business, or someone for whom it just wouldn’t be practical to get home and back for a long weekend (college students, etc.). There are also couples in the same boat who I’m sure would love to be invited to a “Friendsgiving.”

Someday, those who call Christ their Savior will enjoy sweet fellowship all the time. Until we get there though, we do the best we can, and I’m grateful to those that include others who’d ordinarily be alone.

May you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

A Little Tweak in the Right Spot can Have an Outsized Impact

Have you ever come across someone who was already very talented at something, but needed a little extra guidance to make them unstoppable?

In the book of Acts (chapter 18, verses 24-28) we encounter a Jewish fellow with an odd combination of knowledge. He had extensively studied the Old Testament and was very familiar with what it prophesied about the coming Messiah, but he was also a follower of John the Baptist’s teachings. That might not seem so strange, but the teachings of John the Baptist were the limit of this guy’s New Testament experience. He lacked a complete understanding of the significance of Christ’s death and resurrection, the ministry of the Holy Spirit, and the Church as God’s new witness people.

His name was Apollos.

Apollos was unusually skilled in debate and public speaking. He arrived in the city of Ephesus and started accurately teaching in the synagogue what he knew about the Messiah. He eventually attracted the attention of two well-known followers of Christ, Aquila and Priscilla. This pair recognized that Apollos’ understanding of the situation was incomplete, so they pulled him aside and brought him up to speed, giving him a more full understanding of Jesus and His role in God’s plan.

Armed with a more robust understanding of “The Way,” Apollos then went on to “vigorously refute the Jews publicly, showing from the Scriptures that Jesus is the Christ” (Acts 18:28). Apollos went on to become a very prominent teacher in the church at Corinth (1 Corinthians 1:12), and his knowledge and skills were so great, Paul wanted him to use him in different cities (1 Corinthians 16:12).

Apollos was a man that became a powerful tool of God’s Church, but before all that, when he first arrived on the scene, he wasn’t yet ready to be the full version of what he would later become. It took the husband/wife team of Aquila and Priscilla, a faithful Christian couple, to mentor and disciple him. This was an ordinary, faithful couple who saw a need and filled it. As a result of their faithful behavior, they helped enable Apollos’ ministry for years to come.

Faithful service to the Lord doesn’t always involve flashy events. More often than not, it’s quiet, unseen efforts with lasting effects. In what ways can you use your gifts to enable someone else for greater success in the Kingdom of God? Is there someone you know who could benefit from your Christian mentorship?

Lord, people have been following Your teachings for just about two thousand years now. So much of that has come from the passing of knowledge and teachings from one Christian generation to another. Please help me/us as we look to be taught by, as well as mentor, other Christians. Praise You for helping Your followers thrive even in the unlikeliest places. Amen.

Sometimes it’s Time To Celebrate the Boring

I’m going to build a little on last week’s post. In that post I talked about how sometimes it feels like spreading the Gospel can seem like it’s having no effect or is falling on deaf ears. The post also highlighted the encouragement found in the parable of the sower, which teaches that all sowers (people spreading the Gospel) are fruitful to some degree.

I’ve been writing articles for this blog for some time now. Last month was the blog’s seven-year anniversary. I’ve written on some of the inspiring things I’ve seen, some of the weird things I’ve done, and some of the mundane things I’ve been a part of (and a whole lot of other stuff, too). If every person has a story to tell, this blog is the most centralized record of my story.

In the months leading up to starting this site, it was something I had to wrestle with. I felt led to start blindly sending these little anecdotes from my life out into cyberspace. “But why, God? I mean sure, I know You can use it, but…me? What do I have to say that others haven’t already said?”

I’m an introvert who gets drained by interaction with lots of people, but I still have a lot to say. It turns out the practice of putting these posts online is almost like God saying to me “Look, I know you. I know what’s too much for you, and I know what will break you. There’s a reason you’ve done the things you’ve done and lived the life you’ve lived, and this is Me asking you to turn those experiences into illustrations for people I want to hear something you’ve learned. At the same time, I’m allowing you to do it in a way that suits who you are. You’re not doing speaking engagements. You’re not on the road away from your family, doing events where you’re shaking lots of hands and pretending like you’re going to remember everybody’s name. You’re writing these posts from the comfort of your own home. I’ll tell you what…you just keep going until I let you know it’s time to stop. In the meantime, I’ll bring the people I want to the specific post I want them to see.”

And so here we are. This is post number 400 for DareGreatlyNow.com. That’s a big, round number, and a milestone worthy of reflection. I’m completely oblivious to what kind of impact all those posts (or sometimes individual posts) are having. I’ll only find out the full story after I’ve taken my last breath. I know the site has hosted visitors from almost every country in the world at some point or another, but don’t know the extent to which those readers agree with whatever they’re reading, or if it even has an effect on their thinking at all. It can be a little maddening in that sense. Sometimes I have to remind myself of the attitude I should be having. I picture God saying “Hey…eyes on Me. You don’t work for them, you work for Me, you understand? You just keep going until I let you know it’s time to stop, and I’ll take care of everything else. You’ve been very faithful with this so far, don’t think I haven’t seen it. I’m using your stuff in something I’m working on, so don’t give up now. Keep going. We’ll talk more about it later.”

Sometimes I take a look at what posts have been read in the last month, and it can be surprising. Something I thought would have been a great post gets minimal hits, while some unexpected little ditty from years ago is in the top 10. I guess that’s God bringing the people He wants to the post He wants them to see.

I heard a leadership speaker recently say something you don’t often hear: “Great leadership is boring. You don’t have to be the best to be a great leader, you just have to be consistent.” Then he threw this math equation out there, and it’s one that resonated with me. He said (Consistency + Faithfulness) x Time = Lasting Impact. That was an encouragement as well, because that’s the model I try to bring to DareGreatlyNow.com. Someday I’ll find out the whole story.

So with this milestone, thank you so much to those who have shown support over the years. I appreciate you reading some of my posts!

Lord I thank You and praise You for knowing me better than I know myself, and for a calling that is custom-designed to be one I can embrace. The consistent work on this effort, using what You’ve given me, is what I consider my version of “a living sacrifice,” and I offer it to You as an act of worship and dedication. Thank you that I don’t have to worry about finding the person who’s supposed to read something, knowing You’ll take care of that need. Thank You for providing such a wide variety of experiences to draw from, and for safety (mostly) during them all. I ask that these efforts will be a blessing to someone, and that You’d use at least one of them to grow or otherwise benefit Your Kingdom. With sincere gratitude, Amen.

Is Anybody Even Listening to What I Say?

Very few people know this about me (or remember it), but I had an odd way of trying to make extra money once upon a time. After college I moved back in with Mom and Dad and my main job was working in construction while I paid back student loans. The money was good, but the job usually only went until about 3 pm and I had some extra time and energy as a young 20-something, so I went looking for a side hustle. Oddly enough, there was a brief chapter in my life where I was a telemarketer.

Now you have to understand, I hate when telemarketers call me, so it was an interesting development. This was more than 20 years ago; back then it wasn’t robo-calls, it was actual pick-up-the-phone-and-call-someone stuff. I got a huge list of phone numbers, broken down by Eastern, Central, Mountain, and Pacific time zones. I didn’t have names, just phone numbers. To provide privacy to our home phone number, the system was set up so I’d call and log into it, and then I’d be able to dial other phone numbers from there.

I had a script to use for pitching the product. Truth be told, I don’t even remember what I was trying to sell, or who I worked for. I called so many phone numbers. Hardly anybody answered. It would be some ridiculous ratio like, call 10 numbers to get someone who picks up, but only one in 10 people you talk to would even listen to your whole pitch, so you’d have to make like, a hundred calls before you even get a glimmer of hope. (And that’s probably being generous.) Between all those calls and tying up Mom and Dad’s phone line, it didn’t take me long to figure out that this wasn’t worth the effort for me. I quit without ever making a sale.

Not to discourage anybody, but it can kinda feel like that sometimes with spreading the Gospel. You can have tons of conversations, you can scatter that seed far and wide, and you can live your life in a way that people know there’s something different about you, but sometimes you wonder if you’re making a difference for the Kingdom of Christ.

For those of you who may feel this way, I’d like to point you to the parable of the sower, found in the books of Matthew, Mark, and Luke. As Jesus explained the parable to them, He explained that some people who heard the Gospel received it with gladness but then rejected it at the first sign of trouble, or how others had the Good News choked out by worry or wealth. Finally though, He talked about the good soil. Matthew 13:23 says “But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.

This is very heartening news! Although there will be varying degrees of fruitfulness, this verse is saying that all Christians will be fruitful to some degree. Nobody’s wasting their time. Don’t quit spreading the Good News. You might not be there when someone “crosses the threshold,” but your efforts can be part of the collective body of work that it takes to get them to that threshold. Think of a tree branch that snaps under the weight of snow in a snowstorm. On their own, each individual snowflake doesn’t do much, but at the direction of the Holy Spirit, the collective weight of all of them brings them to the point where something big happens.

So keep spreading the news with gladness wherever you are and in whatever role you find yourself. You’ll only find out the full story of your impact in Heaven.

Quick Hit: What are You Actually Celebrating This Week?

This one’s probably going to rub some people the wrong way, but I just need to throw a little reminder out here: sure, Halloween is a fun time to let little kids get dressed up and walk around to neighbors’ houses to get candy, but there’s a whole lot about it that isn’t so innocent.

In the Northern Virginia area, people go crazy with Halloween decorations. While a lot of it is silly and fun, I don’t have to drive very far to see 9-foot-tall skeletons, some pretty demented-looking blood-soaked psychos, and evil-looking supernatural-themed decorations. People go over the top; one family nearby has a husband/dad who loves the scary stuff, but it’s a little too much for the wife/mom. The compromise was to buy an event-style tent so he could put it on the front lawn and fill it with the sicko stuff, because she didn’t want a yardful of it tormenting the kiddos in the neighborhood.

Halloween celebrates death and evil. I’m not sure how we got to the point where we think it’s a good idea to put up “cutesy” 26-foot-tall (no exaggeration) inflatable slashers in our yards.

I’m not going to sit here and say that the birth of Christ in a manger makes for a flashier lawn decoration than some of the craziness I see in peoples’ yards right now, but it is definitely more consequential. If you’re a big decorator during the Halloween season, I don’t think that makes you a bad person. Lots of people make lots of fun and light-hearted skeleton decorations. If you’re a Christian though, does your enthusiasm for Halloween decorations match that of your zeal for Christ-focused Christmas decorations (not Santa, reindeer, icicles, and gift-themed)? Sure, let’s make dress-up fun for the little kids, but remember that the actions you take to celebrate Halloween are helping shape the perspectives of what’s to be celebrated in younger generations. Let’s steer them away from celebrating death and toward celebration of new life and second chances.

RSVPing in the Negative

When my two oldest kids were little, I’d often come home from work and be greeted by two little balls of energy. Mommy stayed home with them, so when I came home I’d try to give her at least some kind of break by taking them off her hands even if it was for just a few minutes. One particular day was very pleasant outside, so I went into the house intending to come back outside with one or both kids in tow shortly thereafter.

I walked in and got some big hugs from everybody. My little guy looked like he was up for a walk, so I said “Hey Buddy, I need to go get the mail. Would you like to go to the mailbox with me?”

In about as sweet a tone as you can imagine, he said “Umm, I don’t, but I wish I did.”

That little memory makes me think of some people’s walk with God. Some of them honestly and earnestly seek to do God’s will for their life. Others know they should pursue that goal, but for whatever reason, it takes a back seat to other priorities. They wish they had the time or the drive, but they don’t really have their hearts set on it. Others don’t even aspire to that much.

My little guy didn’t want to go, but he didn’t want to disappoint Daddy, either. I wasn’t mad or disappointed in him; I knew he might very well turn me down. God knows before we do how we’ll arrange our priorities. He’s not surprised when we choose not to prioritize the things He offers us.

Although it’s super easy to be distracted by the urgency of the things we encounter in this life, the Christian life is about living your life according to how God wants you to. Give it a try. I think you’ll be blessed in ways you didn’t expect.

It’s Tough for Me To Care About That

While visiting my parents one summer, my wife and I took our three kiddos out for ice cream. As we stood inside, waiting to order, I looked around the place and noticed a fun little bit of décor that caught my eye.

Framed in a corner of the room was an autographed picture of the group “Fighting Gravity.” This group was a blacklight performance act on the talent show “America’s Got Talent” (AGT) in the year 2010. I had watched the show that season and thought they were very entertaining, and thought it was fun to see some kind of local connection.

I don’t remember what year this was, but I’d ballpark it somewhere in the early 2020s. I thought it a little odd for this place to have an autograph from that group, and figured there must be some kind of personal connection between this ice cream shop and some member of Fighting Gravity. As we were waiting to place our order, I asked someone behind the counter about the picture. She wasn’t sure, and turned to ask one of her coworkers. Turns out she didn’t know either, and taking a quick poll, nobody at the store knew anything about that signed picture. In fact, nobody seemed to even know what “Fighting Gravity” was. It had only been about 10 years and I could understand that nobody working there had watched the show, but already none of them knew anything about the picture’s significance. Maybe if the proprietor had written something down it would have been easier to convey the story to people curious about the connection.

Did you ever wonder why God took the time to include all those boring genealogies in the Old Testament? Odds are you probably skipped over them or only skimmed them. Since it’s just a bunch of names of people nobody remembers, there’s not much purpose to them, right? Well if 2 Timothy 3:16 is correct, there’s purpose for all scripture. Here are a few reasons why they might be important.

  • The listing of all those individuals helps demonstrate scripture’s accuracy. By listing the physical existence of actual people you can trace back, we can verify that the Bible contains actual confirmed records of things, and isn’t just some collection of fictional stories. It’s authentic and contains historical records.
  • They confirm prophecy. The Messiah was prophesied to come from the line of David. By the time Jesus walked the earth, those lineages were long in the past, but recording those lineages helps check more boxes in the “prophesies fulfilled by Jesus” category.
  • Each name represents an actual person’s lifetime. God doesn’t see Israel as a collection of vague characters all lumped together; He sees them as individuals, each with highs and lows, victories and failures. Those are real people, and God is involved in the details of each of their lives.
  • Some genealogies reveal God’s favor for gentiles, even though they weren’t part of His chosen people. Ruth and Rahab are both part of Christ’s ancestral lineage, even though they were not Jewish. The Lord cares about each person He’s created; He values them all, and He invites them all to come to Him.

The bottom line is that genealogies reinforce the significance of God’s promises. Yeah, they can be pretty boring if you’re not very interested in that kind of thing. It’s important to remember, though, that all of Scripture and all of God’s plans tie together; if He takes the time and care to arrange fulfillment of the “boring” promises, it suggests He’ll fulfill the other ones, too.

Be Very Aware of the Power of Your Words

Did you know your words can have an impact that lasts for years, or even decades?

I used to work with a dude I’ll call Marcus. This was a guy who used to be a Green Beret in the Army. When he was growing up in the Midwest, still a young teenager, Marcus had a cousin who was some kind of all-star football player at the state level. I guess this cousin was also a beast in the weight room, because he could bench press, like, 400+ pounds, while he was still in high school.

I guess he started making a name for himself, and the cousin got to be something of a local celebrity athlete. As you can imagine, it lit a fire under his younger cousin, Marcus, to start hitting the weights. He began visiting the weight room pretty regularly, and started making some significant gains. He was excited when he finally put up 225 pounds. Now, you’re not going to win any competitions by benching 225 a single time, but it is a substantial milestone. This is kind of when you graduate to being able to lift some serious weight. Up until now, putting weights on the bar consists of a large iron plate on either side, accompanied by a smattering of smaller weights. Once you hit 225, you get to put two of the largest plates on each side, and this much cleaner appearance makes it easy for everybody to know exactly how much you’re doing.

Proud of his accomplishment, Marcus informed his grandpa of his progress. “Grandpa! I bench pressed 225!” The response wasn’t what Marcus was looking for. Instead of an “atta boy!” or “great job, Son!,” he got a different answer. “Oh, looks like you’ve got a ways to go!”

Much later in his life, when I worked with him, Marcus was 41 years old and had just benched 345 pounds in his basement gym. Twenty-five or so years after they were uttered, Grandpa’s words were still echoing in Marcus’ mind, taunting him.

Be careful with your words. The positive ones are nice, and are often encouraging, but they get drowned out pretty easily by all the noise out there. The negative ones stick around longer and have a lot more staying power. While it’s true that negative criticism can drive people to do things they might not otherwise be able to do, is it your place to offer that kind of “help?” Not everybody is able to turn those hurtful or thoughtless words into motivation and drive. Of those who can, many of them carry around needless stress because of it. Consider offering encouragement, and if that’s coming up short, only then consider alternative ways of helping them move toward their goal.

This is not a Situation Where you Want to Panic

I used to go skydiving out of this tiny little drop zone outside a tiny little town in Texas. This place was out in the sticks. The airport also served as the base for at least one cropduster. There weren’t many drop zones nearby; this one took about 90 minutes for me to drive to. The little single-engine Cessna we used seemed to groan each time it lifted off the ground. The people were nice, and I just really wanted to go jumping, so I couldn’t be terribly choosy. I began showing up consistently and started getting to know some of the regulars.

One weekend something a little different happened. I’m not sure of the reason, but the regular pilot wasn’t available, and we had a younger, much less experienced pilot flying loads that day. I didn’t really think anything of it. Nobody seemed to have a problem with it. We had a very experienced jumper at this drop zone, Chad, who seemed to know a lot about not only skydiving, but also flight operations, so he was good to have around. (Incidentally, he probably saved my life one time.) Thankfully, he was on the same load as I was that day.

A bunch of us got in the plane and began our ride to altitude. Normally when people get on a plane, they’re actually headed to a destination on the ground somewhere. When you’re skydiving, your destination is “up high.” You pretty much just want to gain a bunch of altitude so you can hop out. That ride to altitude can look very different depending on how busy the local airspace is, what the winds are doing at different altitudes, and the aircraft’s capabilities. The pilot might fly a corkscrew pattern, a box pattern, or some kind of racetrack pattern, just for a few examples. These are methods used to gain altitude without venturing too far away from the drop zone.

On this particular occasion, whatever pattern our pilot chose involved a bad call. I’m not sure if maybe he didn’t do his homework, or if this is something that could have happened to anyone, but we ended up getting downwind of the drop zone, fighting against a pretty strong headwind. The climb to altitude took about the same amount of time, but we spent longer in the aircraft because it took longer for us to claw back lost ground distance.

It wasn’t really a big deal to me at the time, but the pilot started getting agitated. It turns out we were pretty low on fuel. The strong headwind meant we needed to burn fuel faster to reclaim ground, and the analog fuel gauges didn’t give very descriptive readings when they were very low, especially as fuel sloshed around in the wing tanks. You can imagine how this all added to the anxiety level of a young, inexperienced pilot.

Chad noticed what was happening, and that the pilot kept switching the fuel feed back and forth between the left and right fuel tanks. With a cool head, he advised the pilot to relax and to stop switching; use up one tank until it’s dry, then switch to the other one. That way you’ll know for sure what you’ve got in that tank. If the second one runs out, it runs out, no amount of switching between the two would prevent it. Getting a little higher should help get us above the air current, so let’s press on before considering more drastic measures.

It started dawning on the rest of us what was happening. We weren’t real nervous; after all, we were all wearing parachutes and planned to get out of the plane before landing anyway. If that happened, our biggest problem would be figuring out where we landed and how to get back to the drop zone from the middle of what seemed like a thousand-square-mile field. The pilot, on the other hand, had an obligation to get the plane safely on the ground. Chad would probably stay with the pilot in the plane, and dropping several hundred pounds of skydivers should help improve the plane’s fuel efficiency, increasing the likelihood of safely getting back on the ground.

This is a little anticlimactic, I know, but thankfully we didn’t have to bail out early. We did end up jumping from a little lower than planned, but otherwise we made it to where we were supposed to go. The plane had enough gas to make it back to the airport safely. I’m not sure exactly how close the pilot (and us) came to disaster that day, but I imagine those wing tanks were much more full the next time the aircraft took off.

Sometimes in the midst of a crisis, all it takes is a steady hand and a calm demeanor to avoid catastrophe. Being present and just listening to someone who’s coming a little unglued, or offering insights that might be helpful can really walk someone back from panicking. While there are occasions where you kind of need to push somebody out of the way and seize control of the situation, as long as safety or time aren’t major issues, why not just offer support (and maybe guidance if they need it) as they work through the problem? Common sense and problem-solving seem like they’re becoming a little too rare these days, and helping someone walk through an issue can help pass along some lessons on good judgment, keeping calm, and solving problems. You might just find yourself in a position to make those rare qualities a little more common.