Category: Parenthood

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Stop To Think About Why You Just Did That

I’ve got a twofer for you this time.

Way back when the world was normal and people went to work and shook hands and stuff, my wife would watch her friends’ kids when they were in a jam or just needed to run a quick errand.

I’m a very blessed guy, and my kids are still young enough to come give me a hug when I walk in the door from work. One day as I arrived home, I didn’t know it, by my wife was watching a friend’s little girl, Emmy. Emmy was younger than my kiddos, and she kind of followed their lead in whatever they were playing.

I walked in the door and my kids, who were a bit more wired than normal from running and playing with someone else, came running to hug me and gave a few shouts of “Daddyyyyyyyy!” It was a sweet moment for any dad, but I couldn’t help but smile as I watched Emmy try to figure out what to do. She was excited right along with the rest of the kids, but she wasn’t about to run up and hug some grown-up dude that wasn’t in her life other than right now at this very moment. She came running over to where we all were, and with a big smile, started jumping up and down. She was happy, but she didn’t know why.

Then, on another note, this past summer our family took a vacation to see some other family up in northwestern Ohio. This area was very near Lake Erie, and our family up there enjoys taking the ferry out to Kelley’s Island for a day of biking and walking around on the island. At the end of our island visit we all headed back onto the ferry for the ride back across to “the mainland.”

Now, I don’t know why this happens, but it’s one of those inexplicable “guy things.” I was standing at the back of the ferry with my son and one of my nephews, watching the island fade further into the distance. As I looked down at the wake the ferry made as it plowed through the lake, I gave in to the overwhelming urge to spit into the water. I think it was to get a sense of how fast we were going. Inside two seconds, and without a word, both my son and my nephew had also spit over the rail.

These are two fun little stories that help illustrate one very simple idea: no matter who you are, whether you’re a nine-year old playing with a little kid or a sunburned uncle on a family vacation, you have influence on other people. At the same time, other people have influence on you. Be mindful of the way you’re using the influence you possess; when it comes to meaningful interactions, are you using it to build people up or to tear them down? Assume there is no middle or neutral ground…can people see glimpses of Christ in you?

It’s also important to be mindful of those you allow to influence you. The authors you read, the speakers and songs you hear, and the entertainment you watch are all defining the norms you may adopt as your own. This is why it’s so important for Christians to spend time regularly reading the Bible. If you’re a Christian that doesn’t spend time reading the letter God wrote to you, it makes it much harder to “be in the world but not of it.” Instead the principles of Christian living get elbowed out of the way and shoved toward the back of your mind, while the stronger influences take root and play a more central role in guiding your thoughts and actions.

Our lives look much different than they did a year ago. There’s much more time for binge-watching things or ripping through a lot more books than normal. I urge you to guard your mind. (If you’re already making excuses about why it’s okay to spend so much time with one of the things you’ve been watching/reading, that may be an indicator that you and your conscience need to get on more honest terms.)

Well hey, we’re getting closer to the weekend. I hope you’re hanging in there and that you have (or that you had) a great day today. Use your influence to point others to Christ and what He’s done for them. They may not know.

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If You Just Need a Smile

You know, considering everything that’s going on in our nation right now, I just kind of feel like it would be a good idea to try to help you smile.

I’ve got three kids, and they’ve each got their own distinct personality. When they were little and they did something cute or funny, we’d write it down in what we now refer to as “the quote book.” It’s full of little stories or fun quotes that came from the kids or the sleep-deprived things that we did as parents of young kiddos. Now that it’s at least a few years after some of the quotes, our kids enjoy when I pull out the book and relay some stories we’ve written down.

Lately I’ve been taking a look through the book, and thought I’d share a few entries with you. Just for context, I’ve got a daughter, then a son, then another daughter.

My older daughter used to pick the most inopportune times to tell us about her day. When you have multiple young kids in the house, life is a blur. There’s not a whole lot of conscious thought that extends out past the next meal or bedtime. The minutes leading up to dinner were a mad rush of “go potty,” “okay, who still needs to wash their hands?” all while getting hot food on the table and scooping out some of the hot food early so it can cool off enough for the kids. Right as we sat down and things got quiet enough to pray, our daughter would pick that moment to start telling all of us about some event from earlier that day that was memorable in her mind. We’d all sit around the table, holding hands, about to pray but unable to begin. We could’ve shushed her, but…that just didn’t seem right. Then, just as she finished recounting her tale, but before we could jump in and start praying, her spellbound little brother would ask a question about her epic yarn. (“Nooooo!!!”) This happened at bedtime on a regular basis, too.

She could also open “childproof” caps before she could put together a complete sentence. We kept them away from her for awhile, and she lost the knack for it, but it still kept us on our toes.

She could also open “childproof” caps before she could put together a complete sentence. We kept them away from her for awhile, and she lost the knack for it, but it still kept us on our toes.

My little guy was the craziest blend of sweet and sour. He had heart-melting moments when you just couldn’t believe how compassionate or kind he was, and he’d have moments that make you want to pull out your hair. When he was little enough that he still slept in a crib, there was a time when my wife and I were laying him down and he saw his favorite little stuffed dog laying in the crib waiting for him, and my little guy let out a giggle. It made me appreciate how wonderful it must be to laugh simply because you’re happy.

On the flip side of his personality, there were other times he’d just utter blatant, unprompted lies. If he said “I don’t have anything in my mouth,” it’s a solid bet he just got into some snacks that he knew he wasn’t supposed to touch. He also knew that naptimes were for napping, but he loved to get up and look out the window. As he got big enough to come downstairs on his own after a nap, he’d reassure us by seeing us and saying right away “I wasn’t looking out my window.” The stool near the disheveled curtains suggested otherwise.

It’s also fun to look through the book and find little exchanges like when he and I were watching the winter Olympics on TV together when he was probably about 3. During a ski-jumping event, I told him “That guy’s from Norway.” He looked at the screen, interested, and said “Oh, is that his home planet?”

There are some slapstick memories, too. Parenting is a full-contact sport. All of our kids enjoyed when my wife and I read books to them. My younger daughter, when she was a toddler, had no concept of causing pain in other people. If I was laying on the floor and said to her “do you want me to read a book?”…man, I’d better watch out. She’d take off and find a book to read, which was great, but on her return trip, I needed to keep my gloves up. She’d come bouncing back at me in a full-speed toddler waddle, holding the book out in front of her. In the beginning, I figured she’d slow down as she got close. Nope. She came running with her arms stretched out in front of her, and she didn’t stop until she slammed me in the head with the book. (It didn’t take me long to learn to pay attention when she came running with a book, though I think it took me longer than it should have.)

This is the same little one who, when I held her in church during the live music, would watch intently everything going on up on stage. One time everything was quiet as the worship leader prayed, but my little girl kept her eyes open and was mesmerized by all the light reflecting off the shiny instruments. During the prayer, when her face was about six inches away from mine, she let slip a little burp that smelled like Cheerios.

Also, as our third child, she’s the only one I’ve used a dust-buster on.

And finally, to cap it off, here’s a story with all three. There was a phase (at least, I hope it’s a phase) where my older daughter liked to over-dramatize things, so she’d pretend to cry at certain things. The problem was that anytime my younger daughter saw someone cry, she thought it was her cue to start apologizing, even if it wasn’t her fault or she didn’t know what was happening. She’d keep doing it until someone acknowledged her, too, and would get louder as she went. Making it more fun was the fact that she couldn’t pronounce an “r” sound very well at that age. There was one instance where I sat in the living room and my wife and all three kids were in the kitchen. My wife and older daughter started acting silly, and began pretending to cry about something. Right around then my son, who needed to hear the same thing three times before it started sinking in, got hyper and did something he shouldn’t have, which distracted my wife. Imagine the sound of fake crying from one daughter, my wife talking firmly to my little guy, and an ever-more-persistent little voice saying “sowwy. Sowwy! SOWWY!”

You know, despite what you see on TV, there’s still some good stuff going on out there. Despite what you may see and hear, there are some good people in the world. Keep your chin up and keep smiling, because like I’ve said before, your joy and positive attitude in Christ is one of the things that will make people take notice, especially in times like this.

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I Hear What You’re Saying, But…

If I told you I’m a parent, you’d probably believe me, but it’s not the same thing as seeing evidence that I’m a parent.

I came home from work one day and saw a Frisbee on the roof over our garage. We often have misspelled words and stick figures drawn in different colors of chalk on our driveway or sidewalk. In the summertime I often see little bits of broken water balloons on our porch. Inside the house, the living room is seldom “all the way” cleaned up, even if we tell the kids to make it “Mommy and Daddy mode.”

We have kids, and there are signs of them everywhere. (It’s unquestionably a good thing, even though sometimes there are a few too many signs.)

These things, in and of themselves, are not proof that I’m a parent. To an observer though, these signs make the notion a lot more believable.

There’s something similar when it comes to Christianity. If you claim to be a Christian, yet you haven’t changed at all from the way you were before joining the faith, something’s probably not quite right.

Galations 5:22-23 describes the qualities that a Christian will develop over time. The author’s not saying that only a Christian could have these qualities, but, in the same way that the Frisbee on my roof is probably there because of a kid rather than an adult, a Christian’s life will contain signs, indicators, or evidence of the faith they’re claiming.

When someone accepts Christ, at that moment the Holy Spirit sets up shop in that person’s life. What does that mean? It means that from that moment on, God starts working on changing your attitude to be more like His. I heard someone say once that God accepts you for who you are, but He loves you too much to leave you that way.

My mom used to have a tee shirt with a three-by-three grid on it. Inside each box was a picture of some kind of fruit, but instead of labeling them “grapes” or “watermelon,” they’d say things like “patience” and “self control.” These nine things (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control) collectively make up what the Bible calls “the fruit of the Spirit.”

Having these fruits is not something that happens quickly. Fruit takes a long time to grow. You can’t put in a weekend of intensive Bible reading and prayer and have these things spring forth in your life; it takes time. The outcome of being a Christian and continuously pursuing a relationship with Christ is a life that is characterized by these nine fruits.

Consider taking a closer look at these traits. Is there one (or several) that you’d like to develop or increase in your walk with Christ?

Happy birthday Mom! Love ya!

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Worrywarts

I’ve got three kids. It’s fun to watch them grow, figure stuff out, and then teach each other the things they’ve picked up over time.

My older two have figured out that when they’re scared of doing something, whether it’s go down in the basement or knock on a neighbor’s door, it’s usually not as bad if they take someone along with them. As a result, their little sister often ends up going down in the basement or knocking on a neighbor’s door along with them.

Taking it a step further, the two older kids are downright brave if they’re watching out for their little sister, even if it’s something that ordinarily gives them the willies.

Ever notice how you tend to be more brave if you’re watching out for someone? You can more easily pull yourself together in a bad situation when someone else depends on you. When someone else relies on you, it takes you out of yourself, and you can rise above your fears.

There are a lot of very anxious people out there these days. If you’re one of them, the first thing I’d probably recommend is to ease back on the amount of news coverage you take in. News reports aren’t known for their soothing nature. Beyond that, though, consider mentoring someone or helping them through the unique circumstances in which we now find ourselves. If you’re focused on helping someone else get through a difficult time, you spend less time worrying about how you are going to make it.

Don’t get me wrong, take care of yourself first. What I’m talking about is the extra time and energy you might waste worrying. I’ve heard it said that worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair; it gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.

If you’re prone to excess worry, take a look around and see who you can help settle. It’s going to be okay, but in order for some folks to believe that, they might need to hear it from you.

Hang in there, we’re going to get through this.

New posts every Thursday on daregreatlynow.com

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It’s All About Perspective

(Programming note: In observance of the Thanksgiving holiday, I’m switching up this week’s posting schedule. Next week will be back to Thursday.)

When my kids were very young, like a lot of kids, they were pretty self-centered. This wasn’t a surprise; when any child’s world is still very small, they naturally think of themselves as the center of the universe.

My wife and I found a way to start breaking them out of that thought process. Every night at bedtime, we started doing what we call “Thankful Hearts.” We’d each say a few things for which we were thankful. My wife and I started out with some examples. We might say something like “I’m thankful we had enough food to eat today, I’m thankful you didn’t get hurt worse when you fell down today, and I’m thankful our house is keeping us warm and dry while it’s rainy and cold outside.”

It took a little adjustment for them, but over time our kids began focusing less on their “I wants” and more on their “I already haves.” This roundabout way of counting their blessings helped our kids understand that it’s a special thing to have enough when others don’t. That type of security allows people to turn their focus outward; instead of our kids’ prayer requests sounding like a Christmas list for items they wanted for themselves, they soon began bringing their requests to God on behalf of the needs of others.

In a world where every commercial or advertisement you watch, read, or hear tries to convince you that what you already have is inadequate, it’s easy to become dissatisfied. That’s the goal of advertising. It’s also easy to get caught in the whole “keep up with the Joneses” mentality. Don’t forget though, especially as we head into Christmas season, to be thankful for the areas of your life where you already have “enough,” especially if you’re assured of your salvation through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Thankfulness of that eternal assurance allows you to be confident and enables you to turn your focus outward and share the good news with those who, in that sense, aren’t as blessed as you are.

I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing the praises of your name, O Most High. Psalm 9:1-2

Happy Thanksgiving!

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It’s Okay, He’s Got Me

Little kids are a hoot, man. Mine are all old enough to swim on their own at this point, but it’s fun to think about when they were younger and the things they’d do at the pool.

As a dad, one of the fun things to see is the trust your kids place in you. The pool is a place where the trust you’ve built with your kids becomes most evident. For a kiddo that’s 3 or 4 years old and doesn’t know how to swim yet, it’s a scary thing to walk to the edge of the pool and jump into water that might be too deep to stand in. It’s a big deal to jump off the side of the pool into Daddy’s arms! You look at them and you can almost see the wheels turning. It’s like they’re thinking “Daddy’s right there, but will he catch me if I jump?”

It’s so fun to stand in the pool, looking up at them, and say “go ahead, I’ll catch you,” and to see them think it over. I have three kids, so I’ve seen a few different reactions. There’s always some hesitation; sometimes it passes quickly and other times it takes some additional coaxing for them to commit to the jump.

It’s fun to watch their eyes, too. They look at my outstretched arms, gauging whether or not they think they can make it. Once they decide they think they can do it, they look me in the eyes, seeking assurance that I’m focused on them and will be there when they need me. My next move would be to give them a non-verbal green light. Sometimes it was a silent nod. Other times it was a big smile. With intense focus, they’d stick out their little tongue, crouch, and take a flying leap into Daddy’s arms.

It’s a simple, but beautiful picture. As the father to my children, I cherish that trust that we’ve developed together. They each placed so much trust in me that each one of them were willing to step outside their comfort zones to do something beyond what they could do on their own. Building trust is something that’s done over time, but can be shattered in an instant. As they each belly-flopped their way into my arms, it was so fun to join in their celebration with exclamations, smiles, and laughs. Almost right away they wanted to do it again, and then again. Building further on that trust, I was able to back farther away from the edge, or move into deeper water, and they’d be okay with making the leap because they knew. They knew “it’s okay, he’s got me.”

Your Heavenly Father takes pleasure in seeing you demonstrate your trust in Him, too. Nothing brings Him a smile quite like seeing His children trust Him and leap with both feet into the challenge He’s given to them. Like an earthly father, He coaxes the child according to what he or she needs. Maybe it’s a silent nod, a big smile, or in some cases, a push from behind.

Give Him an opportunity to build more trust with you. Summon up your courage and concentration, stick out your tongue, and take that flying leap. He’s got you.

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Today’s the Tomorrow We Talked About Yesterday

One day when my youngest daughter was four, she asked Mommy if she could have a lollipop. It was too late in the evening to let her have it though, so my wife told her she could have one the next day. Sure enough, our little one remembered the next day:

“Mom? Is it tomorrow?”

“Yes, today’s the tomorrow we talked about yesterday.”

It’s an off-the-cuff, but profound saying. “Today’s the tomorrow we talked about yesterday.” When you think about it, each of us is the product of our past choices and experiences. You are the person you are today because of the things you’ve gone through.

If you could go back and change something somewhere along the line…erase a mistake…capitalize on the knowledge you have now…you’d have a new set of experiences. You’d no longer be the person you are.

You are the person God knew you’d be at this point. He can, and (if you let Him) He will use you to do great things for His kingdom. All the mistakes, all the missed opportunities, along with all the high points, milestones, and celebrations…they helped shape who you are right now. Because of who you are, with your placement and background, there’s something that only you are equipped to do for God’s glory.

In the same way, the things you experience today will shape your tomorrow. This includes not only the things that happen to you, but the situations you place yourself into. The choices you make hold tremendous bearing over what will happen to your future. Make sure you’re making good ones.

Tomorrow will soon be here; will your future self be thankful for what you’re doing today?

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You Did That For Me?

Photo courtesy of wordsofreason.wordpress.com

Three or four years ago our family of five went to see my folks for Easter. It was the time of year when the winter’s cold was gone and the kids could finally get some time playing outside.

While we were all in their backyard one day, I told my wife and kids about some of the places I used to visit in the woods nearby when I was a kid. On the spur of the moment, we all decided to take a trip into the forest to have a look for ourselves.

Our kiddos have always enjoyed being in the woods, but most of the places we’ve taken them have had nice wide trails that make it easy to get around. There were no trails here, so we had to find our own way. Without really thinking too much about it, my plan was to bring them into the woods through one section, then bring them down to see some cool spots along the creek, and then start coming back up through a different area.

We got down to the creek, and I showed them an old well, then brought them to the spot where some of us slid down a natural waterslide and built dams as kids. I had a childhood friend whose dad loved golf; in order to work on his swing, he’d stand in his yard and drive old golf balls into the forest. As a kid, friends and I would come across some of these golf balls while playing in the woods; they were always in the same general area, so he must’ve had a consistent swing. J Now, with my own family in tow, I told my kids to keep an eye out for golf balls. Sure enough, we found at least one.

As we started heading back, I took them along an easy route I followed when I was younger. It’s a funny thing though, if you stay out of a forest for 10 or 15 years, you might be surprised at how much it changes while you’re gone.

We crossed back over the creek and started heading back up the hill. It started getting tricky, though, because in our path were numerous thorn bushes I didn’t remember running into before. We’d make some progress up the hill, only to run into a spot that was too thick for us to pass, so we’d have to scoot sideways or even come back down the hill some. There were spots where we could squeeze through, but I had to step on a few thorny branches and hold back others with one hand while my kiddos carefully passed through.

It’s not so bad when you’re tall enough to see over the thorn bushes, but when you’re only about three feet tall and Mom and Dad don’t seem to know where they’re going, it can be scary and even overwhelming. My kids started getting worried, even coming to the verge of tears, so I stopped being delicate with the thorns in order to move us along faster. Instead of grabbing them with just a finger and thumb, I pushed them aside and held them out of the way with the back of my hand so we could make wider openings and move toward our goal a little quicker.

It was slow going, but the kids hung in there and we finally made it out of the woods. As the panic subsided, the kids noticed that one of my hands had a surprising amount of blood on it. I didn’t have any bad cuts, but the thorns had scratched me enough that it caused the blood to start flowing. It looked much worse than it actually was, but my daughter was very concerned because of how much blood she saw. Through her eyes, all she knew was that Daddy was bleeding so that the rest of them could safely pass through the dangerous spots.

As we had approached Easter that year, we had been talking more frequently about the suffering Jesus endured aside from the cross. The beatings, the humiliation, the crown of thorns, the sheer indignity, and all sorts of other often-forgotten things are still part of the story. He was so weak from the beating and other types of suffering that He couldn’t even carry the cross, as the condemned often did. My wife voiced the connection, using our adventure as an object lesson. It’s like it clicked for my oldest daughter. He took my place. I escaped the suffering because someone else did it for me.

I don’t know where you are in life, or if you consider yourself a spiritual person. None of that changes the fact that Christ paid for the price of your admission into Heaven. You can’t earn it, you can’t pay your own way, and you can’t pay Him back. The only way to get into Heaven is to use the ticket He bought you. He bought tickets for everyone, but only a small percentage of people take Him up on the offer.

He’s holding out a ticket for you, and He wants you to take it. Will you accept it?

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Fatherhood Fun

I don’t know what it is about Dads, but we love to get our kids riled up. We know we shouldn’t  do it as much as we do, but we can’t help it sometimes. Daddies are the loud ones, the human jungle gyms, and the ones that tend to ratchet things up rather than down. Mommies are the soothers, the comforters, the ones the kids go to when something hurts (probably because of something Daddy did while roughhousing).

Since my kids were little, the basement has been the place where they could be loud. If they had too much sugar or they were just a little extra wound up, we’d banish them to the basement for awhile. When my two oldest kids were pretty young, one time I took them in the basement to work off some energy while Mommy got a little peace and quiet upstairs. My oldest daughter and my son loved when Daddy went a little crazy with them.

Around that time we came up with a game that was kind of like dodgeball. Back then our basement was set up so that as you came down the stairs, you pulled a U-turn and walked down a hallway to another room. Right across from the bottom of the stairs was another room. I’d go to the room at the far end of the hall and throw a ball at the wall near the bottom of the stairs while my kiddos ran back and forth between the two safe zones (the blind spot at the bottom of the stairs and the room across from it). It sounds kind of sadistic, but they loved it and they weren’t going to get hurt. I had a ball that was kind of scary because it was very loud when it hit the wall, so any time it “just missed” them, it was a big thrill for them because they had snuck past Daddy’s throw without getting hit. I pegged them plenty of times too, but it usually ended with lots of giggles. J

My kids weren’t very old at this point, probably about 5 and 3. They loved playing this game though, because this is where they learned to use teamwork to “distract” Daddy. One would feint, act like they were going to dash across the line of fire, but it was really just a trick to get Daddy to throw the ball while they were still safe, and then the other one would make a break for it before the ball bounced back to Daddy.

I’d try bouncing the ball off the hallway’s walls, or putting spin on the ball so that it still bounced after them even if they were in the safe zones. Naturally, the ball would get stuck on their side every now and then, but they’d peek out from behind their cover, pick it up, and throw it to me and dive back for cover before I could pick it up and throw it again.

Little dodgeball champions

One time my little guy picked it up and threw it to me, but then forgot to get back behind some cover. I gave him some warning and made a big show of winding up for a big throw, but he still wasn’t catching on that he was exposed. With all the gravity of a life-and-death situation, big sis dashed across the line of fire, knowing full well that Daddy was about to unleash a fastball. My little medal-of-honor-winner-in-training jumped behind him and grabbed him under his armpits, and then yanked him back to safety. He fell down on top of her in the process, with the ball narrowly missing both of them.

There are some things in the Bible that you just don’t fully appreciate unless you deal with young kids a lot. This story about my kids helps me better grasp one story in the book of Mark (10:17-31). A rich young ruler came up to Jesus and asked “what do I need to do to have eternal life?” This guy was probably a young ruler in the local synagogue, steeped in the legalism of the day. With his line of thinking he was essentially looking for some kind of religious deed he could perform that would guarantee his entry into Heaven. Although he was misguided, that didn’t make him insincere.

Jesus more or less told him “you know the deal…follow all the commandments…don’t murder, don’t commit adultery, don’t steal, don’t lie, don’t defraud, and honor your father and mother.”

While most of us at that point probably would have remembered at least one time in our lives where we told a lie or let Mom or Dad down, this guy had a different reaction.

“Yep, I’m good with all that. What else do I need to do?”

If you’re Jesus, and this guy has the nerve to say that to you, even if he believed it was true, what are you gonna be thinking?

Here’s the part that my kids helped me understand. “Jesus looked at him and loved him.”

Some translations might say that Jesus felt great compassion for him. I was truly moved to see my daughter sacrifice her safety for the sake of her little brother. The guy in the story was earnestly seeking the truth from Christ, but he didn’t know he was now playing in a different league. Like seeing my little guy standing in the line of fire without knowing he was in danger, Christ probably looked at this young man and thought to himself “Bless your little heart. You’re so clueless and you don’t even know it.”

There are lots of other fatherhood experiences where those words came to mind: “Jesus looked at him and loved him.” Christ had compassion both for people that were His followers and for people that were not. We’re called to do the same.

Who can you show compassion for today?