This one’s kind of tricky because it’s easy for this post to get crass quickly. I’m talking mostly to my sisters in Christ here. I have to say right up front…the information in this post has the potential to be very helpful for others if you use it well, but you can also harm them tremendously with it. Please, please, please…use it for good. If it turns out you’ve been doing some of this stuff unknowingly, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. If you use it with bad intentions though, you’re going to have to stand before the Savior and answer for it someday.
In some way or another we’re all guilty of saying to ourselves “that’s not how I think” or “that thought never even occurred to me.” Okay, well, that might be true, but not everybody thinks (or doesn’t think) the same way as you. Believe me, this is a thing.
Have you ever just been going along, minding your own business (even trying to be on good behavior), when BAM! A thought from left field comes and completely derails you? Sometimes you know what triggered that derailment, other times it’s a mystery. Now imagine discovering you’re the one that derailed someone else in that same manner.
Unfortunately there’s no way to look at someone and accurately judge their character flaws, so you’ll have to treat the following statement as if it’s true all the time, because you just don’t know. While it’s certainly not universally true, a lot of us men are pigs. There’s not really an easy way to say this. Ladies, many of you are making your brothers in Christ stumble because of the wardrobe choices you make.
Here’s the part I’m trusting you to use good judgment with. When it comes to the female form, our piggish eyes tend to be drawn to at least one of three areas (aside from your lovely eyes, of course): chest, caboose, and legs. I know this from years of being a guy and from years of being around guys in the field of construction and in the Department of Defense. If you’re blessed in one or more of these three areas, believe me, there are lots of dudes that are very, very happy for you, even prompting some to spontaneously praise the Lord. Unfortunately, there is a very large number of men out there that struggles with lust, and the struggles that come from our sisters in Christ seem to be unnecessary.
Now some will balk and say “oh, come on, it’s nothing they don’t see everywhere.” While absolutely true, that’s the problem. If you let a guy see a little too much, it’s one more knick in the “death by a thousand paper cuts” idea. The choice of whether or not to indulge in sinful thoughts or actions ultimately lies with the individual, of course, but if you’re his sister in Christ, the way you dress shouldn’t prompt thoughts that shouldn’t be there. Shouldn’t a man be safer from temptation-inducing thoughts when he’s around a fellow Christ-follower?
Now I’m not saying you need to wear a burqa or puffy clothes everywhere, not at all. Here are some things I’ve noticed, though. In church, I’ve seen dresses or tops that are a bit more low cut than they ought to be. Is that dress or are those pants a little too tight in the rear? I’ve seen dresses or miniskirts with hemlines higher than the wearer’s extended fingertips. Probably the most common “visual stumbling block” to your brothers in Christ out there now is the prevalence of leggings/workout pants. I totally understand wanting to avoid loose-fitting clothes when working out or participating in activities where you don’t want clothes flapping around, but if you’re not engaged in anything like that and you’re walking around in skin-tight pants out in public, you can see how this might be a problem for a guy who’s trying really hard not to look. Heaven help us when we go to the gym and there are attractive, fit women wearing clothes that draw attention to all three of these areas. Again, the individual man is responsible for his thoughts and actions, but he can’t always control the things that prompt certain thoughts. Imagine if you’re a recovering alcoholic and when walking down a busy sidewalk, store owners are handing out samples of booze. No, alcoholics know they need to avoid certain places, but for “lust-aholics,” church, along with environments known to be populated with a high prevalence of Christians, should be safe places to be.
If you’re already aware of this phenomenon and dress in a way that makes it easier on us, thank you. Fellas, I’ll bring you back into this now. I’d ask that you, along with your ladies, please influence your sisters, daughters, nieces, and granddaughters with these things in mind.
For the young ladies out there, your clothes go a long way in determining the type of guy you attract. Dress like you respect your body and you’ll probably attract one that treats you better over the long term. Dress like you want guys to ogle your body and you’ll attract the kind that might treat you really well in the short term, but the nice treatment probably doesn’t last real long and you’ll likely end up going through more relationships. Believe me, the quality guys will notice too, but they’ll be crowded out or intimidated by the chuckleheads licking their chops while circling you.
Now, within the context of marriage…how do I say this? Green light. Full throttle. Go to town, especially if you worked hard for it. Christians don’t need to be prudes. Have you read Song of Solomon? If you got it, flaunt it (to your one and only). Try to make the hubs say “God created woman, and he saw that it was goooooood.” Desire is a powerful thing, and marriage is the only place God intended it to be fulfilled. For both husband and wife, don’t give up and throw in the towel on your appearance after the “I do’s.” Honor, respect, and appreciate one another for the long run, in all kinds of ways.
Finally, for those out there that may be struggling to find their calling…maybe someone reading this needs to consider trying the very challenging task of designing or making new lines of very fashionable, yet perfectly appropriate clothing. It could be any type: street clothes, professional clothes, athletic apparel, you name it. Give it a shot. God will probably bless you if it’s your calling.
On a lighter note about the differences between male and female bodies…